Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Advice - Advice for Cheaters and Their Partners
Dr. Phil.com - Advice - Advice for Cheaters and Their Partners
If you have repeatedly cheated, or are the partner of a cheater and can't seem to forgive or break off the unhealthy relationship, Dr. Phil has advice.Cheaters:Look at the statistics.The chance of a successful relationship born of infidelity is not even one in 100. A marriage that starts in infidelity has no foundation. You go into it with guilt, shame, angst, worry, and all the baggage that comes with that. Add to that managing your ex and going through possible custody battles for children. Is it worth it?Think of the children.If you have children and you are cheating on your spouse, your children will suffer. You are turning their lives upside down, fracturing their family unit and destroying their peace and harmony.Think ahead to what the courts might think of you as a parent. You may think your partner wouldn't fight you on custody, but people change when they get into a divorce court. Your spouse might just decide that the person who stole his/her partner will not steal the children as well. If you enter the divorce arena in the midst of infidelity, you have put your children in play. Again, ask yourself, is it worth it? If the person you are having an affair with is married with children, ask yourself, "What right do I have to fracture his/her family unit in which innocent children are growing every day, just to feed my need?"Be honest with yourself.Is the unfaithfulness over with? Moving forward, do you absolutely and unequivocally have nothing to hide? You'll never get past this until you start being drop-dead honest. Remember, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If you don't think you can stop on your own, get professional help. Be honest with your partner.By not being honest with yourself and your partner, you're doing nothing but perpetuating the deception. If you know that you will continue to be unfaithful, and if you really care about your partner, you will let him/her go and get yourself some help. Accept responsibility.Have the decency to tell your spouse in all honesty and candor that you own your choices. You're the one who ran this relationship off in the ditch. This had nothing to do with your partner. If you want to fix your marriage, you have to accept responsibility and do whatever it takes to earn your partner's trust back one step at a time. Assess your commitment level.Are you committed enough to your partner in order to do the work necessary in order to repair the relationship? However long it takes to get this relationship back on the road, is however long you need to work at it. Behave your way to success.Keep in mind, you can no longer be in contact with the person you were having an affair with. Avoid the places you know he/she frequents, change your phone numbers, and if you're unsure of your strength in staying away from him/her, then move. If you're so out of control that you're like a moth to a flame, then get away from the candle!Turn toward your partner.When your life or relationship becomes rocky and affects your sexual relationship, that is the time you should turn toward your partner, not away from him/her because of your sexual needs. Re-engineer your life.If you are a sex addict, and you really want to change this, it's not a quick fix. It's an entire reengineering of your life, values, beliefs, thoughts, conduct and emotions. It's about deconstructing your life, and reconstructing your future. Unless you get professional help, you're going to continue to victimize everybody who you touch because you're controlled by your impulses rather than your values.
If You Are Being Cheated On:Get real.The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. What do you predict? If your partner has cheated on you repeatedly and now swears he/she will stop, what are the chances that this is true? You can't change what you don't acknowledge. Isn't there a point at which you say, "I deserve better. My children deserve better. He/She may not have any boundaries, but I do. And my boundaries say, 'You either treat me with integrity, dignity and respect or you don't treat me at all'?" Stand up for yourself and for your children. You've given your power away and you've got to get it back.This is not your fault.Stop beating yourself up about this. You have got to know that this has nothing to do with you. You are not the one who made the decision to break your commitment to your partner and cheat. You have nothing to do with your partner making the immature, inappropriate, self-destructive choice to turn away from you to someone else.What is your payoff?Do you want to get past this? Or is there a payoff you receive from the situation? Do you enjoy playing the victim or subjecting your partner to a life sentence? Do you fear that if you forgive a partner who truly is remorseful and has changed his/her behavior that you are "letting them get away with it?" Assess your commitment level.You can either handle being vulnerable with your partner again or you can't. And if you can't, you need to get out of this relationship and move on. And if you can, then you need to let him/her earn the trust back and start putting this relationship together again.Consider the consequences.If you have children, your decision will affect them as well. You do have responsibility here for what you do next. You have to make a decision about whether or not justice is best served by allowing your partner to re-earn your trust, or if it's better not to subject your family any longer to the current situation. Decide if you can choose to forgive.Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn't mean what your partner did is OK. How much you trust your partner is in part about what your partner does, and in part a function of whether you have confidence to handle it if he/she disappoints you. If you find out that he/she strays again, can you handle that? If you can't forgive, let go.When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. If you continue to throw this in your partner's face, you will eventually run him/her off. Ask yourself if this is going to be a life sentence for your partner. Can you heal from this and forgive? If not, don't continue to live in anger and/or be with someone who causes you pain.
If you have repeatedly cheated, or are the partner of a cheater and can't seem to forgive or break off the unhealthy relationship, Dr. Phil has advice.Cheaters:Look at the statistics.The chance of a successful relationship born of infidelity is not even one in 100. A marriage that starts in infidelity has no foundation. You go into it with guilt, shame, angst, worry, and all the baggage that comes with that. Add to that managing your ex and going through possible custody battles for children. Is it worth it?Think of the children.If you have children and you are cheating on your spouse, your children will suffer. You are turning their lives upside down, fracturing their family unit and destroying their peace and harmony.Think ahead to what the courts might think of you as a parent. You may think your partner wouldn't fight you on custody, but people change when they get into a divorce court. Your spouse might just decide that the person who stole his/her partner will not steal the children as well. If you enter the divorce arena in the midst of infidelity, you have put your children in play. Again, ask yourself, is it worth it? If the person you are having an affair with is married with children, ask yourself, "What right do I have to fracture his/her family unit in which innocent children are growing every day, just to feed my need?"Be honest with yourself.Is the unfaithfulness over with? Moving forward, do you absolutely and unequivocally have nothing to hide? You'll never get past this until you start being drop-dead honest. Remember, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If you don't think you can stop on your own, get professional help. Be honest with your partner.By not being honest with yourself and your partner, you're doing nothing but perpetuating the deception. If you know that you will continue to be unfaithful, and if you really care about your partner, you will let him/her go and get yourself some help. Accept responsibility.Have the decency to tell your spouse in all honesty and candor that you own your choices. You're the one who ran this relationship off in the ditch. This had nothing to do with your partner. If you want to fix your marriage, you have to accept responsibility and do whatever it takes to earn your partner's trust back one step at a time. Assess your commitment level.Are you committed enough to your partner in order to do the work necessary in order to repair the relationship? However long it takes to get this relationship back on the road, is however long you need to work at it. Behave your way to success.Keep in mind, you can no longer be in contact with the person you were having an affair with. Avoid the places you know he/she frequents, change your phone numbers, and if you're unsure of your strength in staying away from him/her, then move. If you're so out of control that you're like a moth to a flame, then get away from the candle!Turn toward your partner.When your life or relationship becomes rocky and affects your sexual relationship, that is the time you should turn toward your partner, not away from him/her because of your sexual needs. Re-engineer your life.If you are a sex addict, and you really want to change this, it's not a quick fix. It's an entire reengineering of your life, values, beliefs, thoughts, conduct and emotions. It's about deconstructing your life, and reconstructing your future. Unless you get professional help, you're going to continue to victimize everybody who you touch because you're controlled by your impulses rather than your values.
If You Are Being Cheated On:Get real.The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. What do you predict? If your partner has cheated on you repeatedly and now swears he/she will stop, what are the chances that this is true? You can't change what you don't acknowledge. Isn't there a point at which you say, "I deserve better. My children deserve better. He/She may not have any boundaries, but I do. And my boundaries say, 'You either treat me with integrity, dignity and respect or you don't treat me at all'?" Stand up for yourself and for your children. You've given your power away and you've got to get it back.This is not your fault.Stop beating yourself up about this. You have got to know that this has nothing to do with you. You are not the one who made the decision to break your commitment to your partner and cheat. You have nothing to do with your partner making the immature, inappropriate, self-destructive choice to turn away from you to someone else.What is your payoff?Do you want to get past this? Or is there a payoff you receive from the situation? Do you enjoy playing the victim or subjecting your partner to a life sentence? Do you fear that if you forgive a partner who truly is remorseful and has changed his/her behavior that you are "letting them get away with it?" Assess your commitment level.You can either handle being vulnerable with your partner again or you can't. And if you can't, you need to get out of this relationship and move on. And if you can, then you need to let him/her earn the trust back and start putting this relationship together again.Consider the consequences.If you have children, your decision will affect them as well. You do have responsibility here for what you do next. You have to make a decision about whether or not justice is best served by allowing your partner to re-earn your trust, or if it's better not to subject your family any longer to the current situation. Decide if you can choose to forgive.Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn't mean what your partner did is OK. How much you trust your partner is in part about what your partner does, and in part a function of whether you have confidence to handle it if he/she disappoints you. If you find out that he/she strays again, can you handle that? If you can't forgive, let go.When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. If you continue to throw this in your partner's face, you will eventually run him/her off. Ask yourself if this is going to be a life sentence for your partner. Can you heal from this and forgive? If not, don't continue to live in anger and/or be with someone who causes you pain.
Moving Forward after Infidelity
Whether you're the one who has strayed from your relationship or you're the partner who feels betrayed, Dr. Phil can help you move forward. Were you cheated on?
It is absolutely vital for you to move forward with life and love. Being willing to trust again is key. Take things one step at a time.
Don't try to make sense out of nonsense. Rationalizing your cheating spouse's behavior or sympathizing with him/her is pointless. It is never OK to go outside of your relationship to solve problems within a relationship. It's not your fault.
Time heals nothing. It is what you do with the time that matters.
Remember that it is better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.
If your partner wants back in, he/she will have to earn his/her way back into the relationship. Renegotiate the relationship in a way that works for both of you.
There comes a point in time where you may have to draw a line and say, "That's it, I'm done. I'm not mad at you. I withdraw my feelings, I withdraw my emotions. You just go do whatever you're going to do because I'm not going to live like this anymore." Don't stay together for the children. Remember, kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one. They're much better off with one well-adjusted, happy, thriving parent, than they are with two who are cheating, lying, fighting, and living with stress and pressure.
If there was a child born of the infidelity, understand that your spouse will forever have a relationship with that child's other parent. You have to make the decision about whether you can resolve to be part of that or not.
Did you have an affair?
Own the problems that you created by having an affair. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge.
It is unfair to compare a new, exciting, taboo fantasy relationship to one you've been in for years where there are kids, bills to pay, a house to run and noses to wipe. That is a ridiculous comparison.
In order to resolve your relationship, contact with "the other person" must be cut off 100 percent. You can't work on dealing with the consequences of the affair while you're still having it.
Don't rely on your heart to tell you what to do; rely on your intellect. Do what logic tells you is the right thing to do.
Make the hard decisions. Either leave the marriage to free your partner, or commit to stay. Remember, checking out of one relationship before you finish it appropriately doesn't work.
Ask yourself: What are you doing to help your partner get past the affair?
Be mature enough to recognize that life is not always all about you and what feels good for you in the moment. If you are married and have children, you have an obligation and a commitment that far transcends what feels good.
Help the partner who did not have the affair find emotional closure. You must do whatever it takes until your partner finds it. If it requires you to check in with your spouse multiple times a day, then do it. It'll require you being where you're supposed to be, when you're supposed to be, 24 hours-a-day, seven days-a-week, so your spouse can trust you again. And you do it until.
If a child was born of the infidelity, you will have to have contact with the other person in order to be co-parents. And you do this the right way by not having any contact without your spouse's involvement. If you want to talk with the other person, then you do it with your spouse present.
Want to know if something is cheating? If you wouldn't do it with your spouse standing there, it's cheating.
If your marriage is over and you have children, understand that your relationship with your ex will never end. You will always at least be co-parents of your children. Build a new relationship as their allies.
Do you know what a healthy relationship is? Figure out what you want and behave your way to success.
It is absolutely vital for you to move forward with life and love. Being willing to trust again is key. Take things one step at a time.
Don't try to make sense out of nonsense. Rationalizing your cheating spouse's behavior or sympathizing with him/her is pointless. It is never OK to go outside of your relationship to solve problems within a relationship. It's not your fault.
Time heals nothing. It is what you do with the time that matters.
Remember that it is better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.
If your partner wants back in, he/she will have to earn his/her way back into the relationship. Renegotiate the relationship in a way that works for both of you.
There comes a point in time where you may have to draw a line and say, "That's it, I'm done. I'm not mad at you. I withdraw my feelings, I withdraw my emotions. You just go do whatever you're going to do because I'm not going to live like this anymore." Don't stay together for the children. Remember, kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one. They're much better off with one well-adjusted, happy, thriving parent, than they are with two who are cheating, lying, fighting, and living with stress and pressure.
If there was a child born of the infidelity, understand that your spouse will forever have a relationship with that child's other parent. You have to make the decision about whether you can resolve to be part of that or not.
Did you have an affair?
Own the problems that you created by having an affair. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge.
It is unfair to compare a new, exciting, taboo fantasy relationship to one you've been in for years where there are kids, bills to pay, a house to run and noses to wipe. That is a ridiculous comparison.
In order to resolve your relationship, contact with "the other person" must be cut off 100 percent. You can't work on dealing with the consequences of the affair while you're still having it.
Don't rely on your heart to tell you what to do; rely on your intellect. Do what logic tells you is the right thing to do.
Make the hard decisions. Either leave the marriage to free your partner, or commit to stay. Remember, checking out of one relationship before you finish it appropriately doesn't work.
Ask yourself: What are you doing to help your partner get past the affair?
Be mature enough to recognize that life is not always all about you and what feels good for you in the moment. If you are married and have children, you have an obligation and a commitment that far transcends what feels good.
Help the partner who did not have the affair find emotional closure. You must do whatever it takes until your partner finds it. If it requires you to check in with your spouse multiple times a day, then do it. It'll require you being where you're supposed to be, when you're supposed to be, 24 hours-a-day, seven days-a-week, so your spouse can trust you again. And you do it until.
If a child was born of the infidelity, you will have to have contact with the other person in order to be co-parents. And you do this the right way by not having any contact without your spouse's involvement. If you want to talk with the other person, then you do it with your spouse present.
Want to know if something is cheating? If you wouldn't do it with your spouse standing there, it's cheating.
If your marriage is over and you have children, understand that your relationship with your ex will never end. You will always at least be co-parents of your children. Build a new relationship as their allies.
Do you know what a healthy relationship is? Figure out what you want and behave your way to success.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
How effective are your leadership skills?
Help Others Achieve Personal Excellence...
How Are You As A Coach?
By definition, a manager is one who gets things done through others. Your job is to do whatever you can to assist other people in accomplishing their tasks to the best of their abilities. As an effective manager, it is your job to do everything you can to help others succeed. Focus first on your support of others today, then on their production."We all have ability. The difference is how we use it
"The chief executive who knows his strengths and weaknesses as a leader is likely to be far more effective than the one who remains blind to them. He also is on the road to humility -- that priceless attitude of openness to life that can help a manager absorb mistakes, failures, or personal shortcomings
The truth is, you won't accomplish much by yourself. You need the contribution, cooperation and commitment of others to move your dreams and goals off the page and into your life. When leading, managing and directing others, your primary responsibility is to do whatever you can to help them accomplish their tasks—to the best of their abilities—in as short a period of time as possible.
What Do You Expect From Your Team?Again I ask, do you know what you want? Can you clearly articulate it? Do others understand what you want from them?Can you lead them to the goal? Your productivity is not measured by how much you can get done in a day, but by how much your team accomplishes as a whole. You must learn how to coach and support co-workers without taking on their duties and responsibilities. No one learns if you do their work for them. Create an environment where everyone's performance is raised to their highest potential possible -- and mutual goals are achieved timely. "We all have ability. The difference is how we use it.
How Are You As A Coach?
By definition, a manager is one who gets things done through others. Your job is to do whatever you can to assist other people in accomplishing their tasks to the best of their abilities. As an effective manager, it is your job to do everything you can to help others succeed. Focus first on your support of others today, then on their production."We all have ability. The difference is how we use it
"The chief executive who knows his strengths and weaknesses as a leader is likely to be far more effective than the one who remains blind to them. He also is on the road to humility -- that priceless attitude of openness to life that can help a manager absorb mistakes, failures, or personal shortcomings
The truth is, you won't accomplish much by yourself. You need the contribution, cooperation and commitment of others to move your dreams and goals off the page and into your life. When leading, managing and directing others, your primary responsibility is to do whatever you can to help them accomplish their tasks—to the best of their abilities—in as short a period of time as possible.
What Do You Expect From Your Team?Again I ask, do you know what you want? Can you clearly articulate it? Do others understand what you want from them?Can you lead them to the goal? Your productivity is not measured by how much you can get done in a day, but by how much your team accomplishes as a whole. You must learn how to coach and support co-workers without taking on their duties and responsibilities. No one learns if you do their work for them. Create an environment where everyone's performance is raised to their highest potential possible -- and mutual goals are achieved timely. "We all have ability. The difference is how we use it.
Empower the dream
Immediately Stop Worry from Dragging Your Performance Down...
Worried?
Worry wastes time, steals your energy and prevents you from accomplishing anything. Stop worry by taking some kind of action. Transform worry into a positive action.
Courage isn't the absence of fear. It's moving forward by focusing on the desired outcome instead of the fear.
Today's TQ Challenge: Immediately Stop Worry from Dragging Your Performance Down.
Be RECHARGED! What's one thing you could do right now to change a worry into a positive action?
Be RELAXED! What types of things worry you the most?
Be REVITALIZED! What's the biggest worry facing you today? What can you do to address it immediately?
Worry wastes time, steals energy and prevents you from accomplishing your goals. There's no reason to worry about something you can or can not fix. If you find yourself constantly stressed over money, friends, health issues, your children, people at work or your environment -- STOP IT! Identify exactly what you're worried about, and transform that worry into a positive action to resolve the concern. Take care of it, before it takes over you.
"How hard it is, sometimes, to trust the evidence of one's senses! How reluctantly the mind consents to reality." ~ Norman Douglas
Think about it. How well and how often do you actually DO Energy Factor 1F?
"I stop worry from dragging down my energy by immediately taking a positive action to resolve the concern."
A high commitment (1F rated 8 or better) suggests you never play the victim to your worries. By focusing on the actions you can take, rather than the negative conditions of the problem, you maintain your momentum even when besieged with negative situations. Everyone has reasons to worry, but you're able to work through your concerns without wasting precious energy before correcting or improving the situation. Once resolved, your energy level actually increases due to positive feelings that come from correcting a bad situation.
On the other hand...
A lack of commitment suggests you're often a victim of your worries. You can burn a lot of energy as you sit and picture the most unfavorable things that could happen -- thereby draining your energy level. As you focus on "worst case" scenarios, you rob yourself of the energy and motivation needed to take action. This leaves you with little energy to actually resolve the problem. What's more, these overriding concerns keep you from completing your other tasks. This leads to a negative spiral of additional stress stealing away more energy.
What happens when you choose to do Factor 1F a bit more frequently? You have more power...
Worries never drain your positive energy for long. You accumulate performance positives like "Revitalized, Enlivened and Proactive" -- immediately moving you towards the results you expect.
What happens when you fail to consistently do Factor 1F? You have less power...
You do nothing but sit and worry and end up exhausted. Negatives like "Stressed, Overwhelmed and Worried" start to take their toll on your performance -- quickly moving you away from the success you want.
Now Ask Yourself This... Is Factor 1F Causing You Problems?
If you believe this factor is a key performance obstacle -- and that it's preventing you from realizing your personal dreams and goals -- then you need to improve it. Learn how to immediately improve this factor of your performance with a specific plan of action...
Worried?
Worry wastes time, steals your energy and prevents you from accomplishing anything. Stop worry by taking some kind of action. Transform worry into a positive action.
Courage isn't the absence of fear. It's moving forward by focusing on the desired outcome instead of the fear.
Today's TQ Challenge: Immediately Stop Worry from Dragging Your Performance Down.
Be RECHARGED! What's one thing you could do right now to change a worry into a positive action?
Be RELAXED! What types of things worry you the most?
Be REVITALIZED! What's the biggest worry facing you today? What can you do to address it immediately?
Worry wastes time, steals energy and prevents you from accomplishing your goals. There's no reason to worry about something you can or can not fix. If you find yourself constantly stressed over money, friends, health issues, your children, people at work or your environment -- STOP IT! Identify exactly what you're worried about, and transform that worry into a positive action to resolve the concern. Take care of it, before it takes over you.
"How hard it is, sometimes, to trust the evidence of one's senses! How reluctantly the mind consents to reality." ~ Norman Douglas
Think about it. How well and how often do you actually DO Energy Factor 1F?
"I stop worry from dragging down my energy by immediately taking a positive action to resolve the concern."
A high commitment (1F rated 8 or better) suggests you never play the victim to your worries. By focusing on the actions you can take, rather than the negative conditions of the problem, you maintain your momentum even when besieged with negative situations. Everyone has reasons to worry, but you're able to work through your concerns without wasting precious energy before correcting or improving the situation. Once resolved, your energy level actually increases due to positive feelings that come from correcting a bad situation.
On the other hand...
A lack of commitment suggests you're often a victim of your worries. You can burn a lot of energy as you sit and picture the most unfavorable things that could happen -- thereby draining your energy level. As you focus on "worst case" scenarios, you rob yourself of the energy and motivation needed to take action. This leaves you with little energy to actually resolve the problem. What's more, these overriding concerns keep you from completing your other tasks. This leads to a negative spiral of additional stress stealing away more energy.
What happens when you choose to do Factor 1F a bit more frequently? You have more power...
Worries never drain your positive energy for long. You accumulate performance positives like "Revitalized, Enlivened and Proactive" -- immediately moving you towards the results you expect.
What happens when you fail to consistently do Factor 1F? You have less power...
You do nothing but sit and worry and end up exhausted. Negatives like "Stressed, Overwhelmed and Worried" start to take their toll on your performance -- quickly moving you away from the success you want.
Now Ask Yourself This... Is Factor 1F Causing You Problems?
If you believe this factor is a key performance obstacle -- and that it's preventing you from realizing your personal dreams and goals -- then you need to improve it. Learn how to immediately improve this factor of your performance with a specific plan of action...
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Being Happy is Healthy -
It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. Being cranky, stressed, and angry can lead to health problems such as heart attacks and ulcers. With this in mind, why is it that so many think that in order to succeed in life and in work, you must be serious, grave, and stressed? And yet, the pervasive stereotype of the working man (and women) is that of the serious faced, hard working 9-5 person who comes home and collapses. It's time to break this stereotype and bring happiness back to the workplace. This article will outline some of the reasons why this is an important thing to do so you can have personal success and the health to enjoy it as well as some tips on how to lighten up.
There's a difference between being serious on the job and being serious. A serious employee should make deadlines and be respectful, but this doesn't mean being grouchy, remote, or anti-social. Being cranky on the job makes the day go by slower, makes you difficult to approach, and causes stress. Being a good serious employee means taking your job seriously, but also being willing to lighten the workplace and yourself. How can you do this without annoying anyone?
* Smile at people. Smiling cheers you and the recipient up and make the day seem a bit brighter, if only for the duration of the smile and a few minutes after.
* Socialize at lunch. Even if you don't know anybody, take this as an opportunity to make friends. Pick neutral topics such as books, movies, music, and weather or join in a conversation that you know something about. Don't be afraid to laugh at jokes and make a few of your own.
* If nothing else, say hello to your coworkers. Being noticed easily leads to happiness and it will spread through the workplace.
* Don't sweat the small stuff. Laugh it off instead. This isn't denial, you may still have to deal with a problem that's bothering you, but it'll be a lot easier to solve if you're not tearing your hair out over it.
What to Do to Be Happy
Being happy is the number one priority of all humans. Come to think of it; being happy is the main priority of all living things.
Being happy and being content are closely related. Being content is to
be reasonably satisfied with the way things are.
This in turn leads to happiness. The desire to be happy is what drives people to do the things we do.
So how do you know if you're happy?First things first; you will know you are happy when you feel it.
You will feel contented; a calm satisfaction that your characteristics and circumstances are as they should be.
What can you do to seek this contentment, this happiness?Start with knowing your strengths and abilities. What are your positive traits?
What special talents do you have? List three - if you get stuck, ask those closest to you to help identify these. Are you imaginative, witty, and good with your hands?
Find ways to express your authentic self through your strengths. You can increase your self-confidence when you can share what you know to others. You may well be surprised that there is more than you realized.Live from the inside out. Know that your universe, your reality comes from you.
You cause your life to be as it is, so you need to increase your awareness of your inner wisdom by regularly reflecting in silence. Some people meditate, some perform rituals, some pray, and some commune with nature.
Find what satisfies you, stare at a candle until it is burned out, set an egg timer and listen to the clicks. Learn to see and commune with your inner self as well as your source of power. (That some call god) Breathe deeply to quiet your distracted mind, and listen.
With a bit of practice you will find it easy and comforting. If you ever skip your "quiet time" you will miss it and desire to connect as soon as possible. The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. If you do not like what you have; change it.
There's a difference between being serious on the job and being serious. A serious employee should make deadlines and be respectful, but this doesn't mean being grouchy, remote, or anti-social. Being cranky on the job makes the day go by slower, makes you difficult to approach, and causes stress. Being a good serious employee means taking your job seriously, but also being willing to lighten the workplace and yourself. How can you do this without annoying anyone?
* Smile at people. Smiling cheers you and the recipient up and make the day seem a bit brighter, if only for the duration of the smile and a few minutes after.
* Socialize at lunch. Even if you don't know anybody, take this as an opportunity to make friends. Pick neutral topics such as books, movies, music, and weather or join in a conversation that you know something about. Don't be afraid to laugh at jokes and make a few of your own.
* If nothing else, say hello to your coworkers. Being noticed easily leads to happiness and it will spread through the workplace.
* Don't sweat the small stuff. Laugh it off instead. This isn't denial, you may still have to deal with a problem that's bothering you, but it'll be a lot easier to solve if you're not tearing your hair out over it.
What to Do to Be Happy
Being happy is the number one priority of all humans. Come to think of it; being happy is the main priority of all living things.
Being happy and being content are closely related. Being content is to
be reasonably satisfied with the way things are.
This in turn leads to happiness. The desire to be happy is what drives people to do the things we do.
So how do you know if you're happy?First things first; you will know you are happy when you feel it.
You will feel contented; a calm satisfaction that your characteristics and circumstances are as they should be.
What can you do to seek this contentment, this happiness?Start with knowing your strengths and abilities. What are your positive traits?
What special talents do you have? List three - if you get stuck, ask those closest to you to help identify these. Are you imaginative, witty, and good with your hands?
Find ways to express your authentic self through your strengths. You can increase your self-confidence when you can share what you know to others. You may well be surprised that there is more than you realized.Live from the inside out. Know that your universe, your reality comes from you.
You cause your life to be as it is, so you need to increase your awareness of your inner wisdom by regularly reflecting in silence. Some people meditate, some perform rituals, some pray, and some commune with nature.
Find what satisfies you, stare at a candle until it is burned out, set an egg timer and listen to the clicks. Learn to see and commune with your inner self as well as your source of power. (That some call god) Breathe deeply to quiet your distracted mind, and listen.
With a bit of practice you will find it easy and comforting. If you ever skip your "quiet time" you will miss it and desire to connect as soon as possible. The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. If you do not like what you have; change it.
Eliminate ALL Distractions -- of EVERY Nature...
People fail simply because they don't Expect to succeed
Is Your Goal Slipping Out Of Grasp?
Anything that takes up your time, thoughts or energy without advancing your goal is a distraction. Get rid of distractions.
For everything you do today: If it's not part of the solution, it's a distraction.
"Be ready when opportunity comes. Luck is the time when preparation and opportunity meet."~
"When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal." ~
A Time To Dream...
This weekend, take some time to renew your God-given right to dream!
Please remember, you have the opportunity to make your dreams real... to actually LIVE the life you desire.
The key is to turn your dreams into GOALS... your goals into PLANS... and your PLANS into specific ACTIONS.
Right now is the perfect time to reconnect and recommit to your goals and plans. This may be the most important 5 minutes you will spend this week! -- E.R. Haas, CEO
P.S. Some of the most successful people in the world use the above links weekly. Maybe you should too.
The Bottom Line...
There is a key to wealth, power and happiness.
It is high TQ performance.
Advice?
Improve yours now.
This week's lesson will give you the key to achieving substantially better RESULTS in every area of your life.
Listen to the audio clip and do the exercises.
When you develop the confidence to passionately pursue anything and everything you want, you move towards the results you expect and the success you desire.
Until then, your dreams remain on hold. ~
Is Your Goal Slipping Out Of Grasp?
Anything that takes up your time, thoughts or energy without advancing your goal is a distraction. Get rid of distractions.
For everything you do today: If it's not part of the solution, it's a distraction.
"Be ready when opportunity comes. Luck is the time when preparation and opportunity meet."~
"When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal." ~
A Time To Dream...
This weekend, take some time to renew your God-given right to dream!
Please remember, you have the opportunity to make your dreams real... to actually LIVE the life you desire.
The key is to turn your dreams into GOALS... your goals into PLANS... and your PLANS into specific ACTIONS.
Right now is the perfect time to reconnect and recommit to your goals and plans. This may be the most important 5 minutes you will spend this week! -- E.R. Haas, CEO
P.S. Some of the most successful people in the world use the above links weekly. Maybe you should too.
The Bottom Line...
There is a key to wealth, power and happiness.
It is high TQ performance.
Advice?
Improve yours now.
This week's lesson will give you the key to achieving substantially better RESULTS in every area of your life.
Listen to the audio clip and do the exercises.
When you develop the confidence to passionately pursue anything and everything you want, you move towards the results you expect and the success you desire.
Until then, your dreams remain on hold. ~
Friday, February 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Celebrate the Recession
Yes, you read that right! There are incredible opportunities opening up all around you… but you might be missing them! Learn the specific reasons why these are the most opportune times of our life, and how you can take advantage of them. Watch the video below now.
Why Now? from SUCCESS magazine on Vimeo.
Why Now? from SUCCESS magazine on Vimeo.
Friday, February 6, 2009
ThinkTQ - How We Keep Our Foot Stuck in Our Own Traps...
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
~ Albert Einstein
Get The Full Power of TQ System and use Discount Code: SAVE50NOW
Stop shooting yourself in the foot...
Start taking smarter action!
We asked Maikel Bailey, a world-renowned expert on sales and professional development, to comment on the reasons behind our success-limiting procrastination.
Maikel is in the process of completing a sensational new book entitled The Rules Of Insanity: The Fears That Drive Us—The Desires That Inspire Us.
As we say in our Miracle of The Goal TeleSeminar, people have three primary fears:
The fear of success...
The fear of failure...
And the fear of the future.
As you will see, these fears are easily vanquished!
We are happy to present Maikel's views in this series of 4 wonderful articles, and grateful to him for sharing his thoughts well before the book's publication!
How We Keep Our Foot Stuck in Our Own Traps...
Clip and Hang.
Last week, we talked about the two types of motivation—desire and fear.
Each of these motivators has their unique ways of working.
Our DESIRES, with their action-oriented focus, get us to create reasons, justifications and motivations to make things happen and to get things done.
Our FEARS, with the focus on avoidance, get us to generate reasons, justifications and excuses why we don't get things done... causing us to run in circles—or worse—keep us in the perpetual state of "getting ready to get ready!" Read Last Week's Article...
That is the big picture. Since it is the fears that really stop us, the question is, what do we DO to stop ourselves at that everyday level of letting our fears kick in, and keep us from getting things done?
How do we kick in our avoidance strategies getting us to focus on what we don't want?
We do it in two main ways which then creates the lifestyle we live, which, in turn keeps our foot stuck in our own traps day in and day out. (Sounds delightful, doesn't?)
Here are the two traps:
We do it to ourselves—The Trap of Procrastination...
We do it with others—The Trap of Drama...
By allowing ourselves to get caught up in these two traps we reap the harvest of a lifestyle driven by our fears where we seek relief through escape.
For the sake of this article, let's remain focused on The Trap of Procrastination.
We Are Designed for Action...
Understanding the design of the human being, one of the most fundamental things we should understand is that we are engineered to take action. Unlike a rock, which has things happen to it, human beings are made to make things happen.
Incidents, events, actions, communications, anything that happens in our lives that has the potential of affecting us demands, by our design, we take action. When something takes place that can affect us for good or ill, whether we choose to agree, disagree, stop it, change it, redirect it, let it go or postpone it to a later, specific time, there is a implicit demand made upon us to do something.
Now, to be clear, the meaning of postpone is different from procrastinate. It may be subtle, but the distinctions are tremendous.
Postponing is a deliberate choice to deal with something at another specific time and date. For example, a phone call comes in and you postpone taking the call, telling the caller you will call back tomorrow at 3.
If you look at this closely there are a series of actions:
First, an action took place (a phone call was made.)
Second, an action was taken—a response—(the phone call was acknowledged.)
Third, another action was taken (a time set to call back.)
Fourth, an action will be taken when the call is returned at the set time.
Each of the Above Are Action Steps...
Now let's say, the time and day arrives for the return call to be made and it is not made. What now? If a genuine emergency has arisen, or a logical situation has happened that would postpone the call, then rescheduling the call is required. But if none of that has happened, then procrastination, an avoidance strategy, is now operating.
Procrastination is an avoidance strategy used to side step the responsibility of taking action. To the procrastinator, who justifies the procrastination, it may feel as if, at that moment, he or she has side stepped the demand for action.
But that is not true.
The demand continues not only from the person who originated the action (the first phone call) and is now expecting a return call, but also within the procrastinator, who still feels the demand to take action, that is, respond. Even though that impulse to respond might be buried, pushed aside, "forgotten", or just passed over by the procrastinator, it is still there.
We all know that feeling. We have felt it ourselves. What we feel is this gnawing, nagging feeling within to return the call.
Why?
Because we are designed to take action, and by procrastinating, that is, not taking action, we attempt to deny who we are—"action takers!"
An Amazing Truth Revealed...
In the attempt to deny that we are designed to take action, our own nature fights us back. It fights for us to take action so it haunts us, it gnaws at us, it aggravates us and festers within. Again, we have all been there.
Please understand: The internal gnawing to take action we feel all too often is misinterpreted. We think this nervousness is an indication of our helplessness and powerlessness.
It isn't!
It is our very "action design" fighting back at our passivity to not take action. It is this action design that demands we DO something, get off our dime and respond! It is our very action nature telling us and teaching us we not helpless, but rather we are powerful and meant to be in control of our lives and is DEMANDING we take action and assume our rightful role as an action taker!
Question: When you procrastinate, do you feel smarter and more powerful, or do you feel dumb and helpless?
The answer is obvious.
When we deny our ability to solve problems and take action, we have to relinquish our position of being smart, capable and powerful. We give up the role nature has designed us to be in—the action taker!
Here are the facts that we all know to be true.
When we procrastinate we feel dumber and helpless. The more we procrastinate the dumber and the more helpless we feel. And it can seem like there is no bottom to how dumb and helpless we can feel at times!
We can actually get to a point where we believe we are dumb and helpless.
I am here to tell you that is a lie!
The only way we can reclaim our power is to stop the procrastination, think it through, get organized, and take action. The more we do that, the better we feel about ourselves, the more we believe we are smart, courageous, capable and more powerful than we realized.
And that's the truth.
Maikel Bailey
"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." ~ Elbert Hubbard
Insight Questions:
How much time can you save by DOING instead of PONDERING?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
What fear is associated with doing the task you always want to avoid?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
What steps can you take today to lower the emotional impact of those fears and help you to take action now?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
Perspective Questions:
According to your action plan, are you on the right road, right now?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
Are you aware that after this day is gone, it's gone forever?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
Life is a chain of moments linked together. Are you using each one to its fullest?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
About Maikel Bailey
While Maikel may not have done it all, at times it feels like it. From digging ditches, framing houses, teaching personal development before it was called personal development, selling business to business, seminar speaker and leader, selling personal development for Denis Waitley and Zig Ziglar, coaching others how to achieve their dreams personally and professional he has covered a lot of ground over the years. He now owns and runs a coaching business that trains individuals how to transition from "employee thinking" to the "entrepreneurial mindset" and establish a successful online marketing business. With an elite stable of 10 coaches and outstanding support staff, Maikel is responsible for the "coaching of the coaches", and curriculum development.
~ Albert Einstein
Get The Full Power of TQ System and use Discount Code: SAVE50NOW
Stop shooting yourself in the foot...
Start taking smarter action!
We asked Maikel Bailey, a world-renowned expert on sales and professional development, to comment on the reasons behind our success-limiting procrastination.
Maikel is in the process of completing a sensational new book entitled The Rules Of Insanity: The Fears That Drive Us—The Desires That Inspire Us.
As we say in our Miracle of The Goal TeleSeminar, people have three primary fears:
The fear of success...
The fear of failure...
And the fear of the future.
As you will see, these fears are easily vanquished!
We are happy to present Maikel's views in this series of 4 wonderful articles, and grateful to him for sharing his thoughts well before the book's publication!
How We Keep Our Foot Stuck in Our Own Traps...
Clip and Hang.
Last week, we talked about the two types of motivation—desire and fear.
Each of these motivators has their unique ways of working.
Our DESIRES, with their action-oriented focus, get us to create reasons, justifications and motivations to make things happen and to get things done.
Our FEARS, with the focus on avoidance, get us to generate reasons, justifications and excuses why we don't get things done... causing us to run in circles—or worse—keep us in the perpetual state of "getting ready to get ready!" Read Last Week's Article...
That is the big picture. Since it is the fears that really stop us, the question is, what do we DO to stop ourselves at that everyday level of letting our fears kick in, and keep us from getting things done?
How do we kick in our avoidance strategies getting us to focus on what we don't want?
We do it in two main ways which then creates the lifestyle we live, which, in turn keeps our foot stuck in our own traps day in and day out. (Sounds delightful, doesn't?)
Here are the two traps:
We do it to ourselves—The Trap of Procrastination...
We do it with others—The Trap of Drama...
By allowing ourselves to get caught up in these two traps we reap the harvest of a lifestyle driven by our fears where we seek relief through escape.
For the sake of this article, let's remain focused on The Trap of Procrastination.
We Are Designed for Action...
Understanding the design of the human being, one of the most fundamental things we should understand is that we are engineered to take action. Unlike a rock, which has things happen to it, human beings are made to make things happen.
Incidents, events, actions, communications, anything that happens in our lives that has the potential of affecting us demands, by our design, we take action. When something takes place that can affect us for good or ill, whether we choose to agree, disagree, stop it, change it, redirect it, let it go or postpone it to a later, specific time, there is a implicit demand made upon us to do something.
Now, to be clear, the meaning of postpone is different from procrastinate. It may be subtle, but the distinctions are tremendous.
Postponing is a deliberate choice to deal with something at another specific time and date. For example, a phone call comes in and you postpone taking the call, telling the caller you will call back tomorrow at 3.
If you look at this closely there are a series of actions:
First, an action took place (a phone call was made.)
Second, an action was taken—a response—(the phone call was acknowledged.)
Third, another action was taken (a time set to call back.)
Fourth, an action will be taken when the call is returned at the set time.
Each of the Above Are Action Steps...
Now let's say, the time and day arrives for the return call to be made and it is not made. What now? If a genuine emergency has arisen, or a logical situation has happened that would postpone the call, then rescheduling the call is required. But if none of that has happened, then procrastination, an avoidance strategy, is now operating.
Procrastination is an avoidance strategy used to side step the responsibility of taking action. To the procrastinator, who justifies the procrastination, it may feel as if, at that moment, he or she has side stepped the demand for action.
But that is not true.
The demand continues not only from the person who originated the action (the first phone call) and is now expecting a return call, but also within the procrastinator, who still feels the demand to take action, that is, respond. Even though that impulse to respond might be buried, pushed aside, "forgotten", or just passed over by the procrastinator, it is still there.
We all know that feeling. We have felt it ourselves. What we feel is this gnawing, nagging feeling within to return the call.
Why?
Because we are designed to take action, and by procrastinating, that is, not taking action, we attempt to deny who we are—"action takers!"
An Amazing Truth Revealed...
In the attempt to deny that we are designed to take action, our own nature fights us back. It fights for us to take action so it haunts us, it gnaws at us, it aggravates us and festers within. Again, we have all been there.
Please understand: The internal gnawing to take action we feel all too often is misinterpreted. We think this nervousness is an indication of our helplessness and powerlessness.
It isn't!
It is our very "action design" fighting back at our passivity to not take action. It is this action design that demands we DO something, get off our dime and respond! It is our very action nature telling us and teaching us we not helpless, but rather we are powerful and meant to be in control of our lives and is DEMANDING we take action and assume our rightful role as an action taker!
Question: When you procrastinate, do you feel smarter and more powerful, or do you feel dumb and helpless?
The answer is obvious.
When we deny our ability to solve problems and take action, we have to relinquish our position of being smart, capable and powerful. We give up the role nature has designed us to be in—the action taker!
Here are the facts that we all know to be true.
When we procrastinate we feel dumber and helpless. The more we procrastinate the dumber and the more helpless we feel. And it can seem like there is no bottom to how dumb and helpless we can feel at times!
We can actually get to a point where we believe we are dumb and helpless.
I am here to tell you that is a lie!
The only way we can reclaim our power is to stop the procrastination, think it through, get organized, and take action. The more we do that, the better we feel about ourselves, the more we believe we are smart, courageous, capable and more powerful than we realized.
And that's the truth.
Maikel Bailey
"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." ~ Elbert Hubbard
Insight Questions:
How much time can you save by DOING instead of PONDERING?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
What fear is associated with doing the task you always want to avoid?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
What steps can you take today to lower the emotional impact of those fears and help you to take action now?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
Perspective Questions:
According to your action plan, are you on the right road, right now?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
Are you aware that after this day is gone, it's gone forever?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
Life is a chain of moments linked together. Are you using each one to its fullest?
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
About Maikel Bailey
While Maikel may not have done it all, at times it feels like it. From digging ditches, framing houses, teaching personal development before it was called personal development, selling business to business, seminar speaker and leader, selling personal development for Denis Waitley and Zig Ziglar, coaching others how to achieve their dreams personally and professional he has covered a lot of ground over the years. He now owns and runs a coaching business that trains individuals how to transition from "employee thinking" to the "entrepreneurial mindset" and establish a successful online marketing business. With an elite stable of 10 coaches and outstanding support staff, Maikel is responsible for the "coaching of the coaches", and curriculum development.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Important Message 1 — Media Madness
Important Message 1 — Media Madness
STOP THE INSANITY! It is time to take back control of your brain. You are continually being pumped with fear, worry and anxiety riddled messages. This could be having a profound impact on your creative potential and hindering you in ways you might not even be aware of. Watch the video below now.
Now More Than Ever from SUCCESS magazine on Vimeo.
STOP THE INSANITY! It is time to take back control of your brain. You are continually being pumped with fear, worry and anxiety riddled messages. This could be having a profound impact on your creative potential and hindering you in ways you might not even be aware of. Watch the video below now.
Now More Than Ever from SUCCESS magazine on Vimeo.
Important Message 1 — Media Madness
STOP THE INSANITY! It is time to take back control of your brain. You are continually being pumped with fear, worry and anxiety riddled messages. This could be having a profound impact on your creative potential and hindering you in ways you might not even be aware of. Watch the video below now.
Now More Than Ever from SUCCESS magazine on Vimeo.
STOP THE INSANITY! It is time to take back control of your brain. You are continually being pumped with fear, worry and anxiety riddled messages. This could be having a profound impact on your creative potential and hindering you in ways you might not even be aware of. Watch the video below now.
Now More Than Ever from SUCCESS magazine on Vimeo.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)