Treating others the way they want to be treated by adapting to their personality style can quickly make you a more sensitive, effective leader and friend. Indeed, treating others in this way can have a positive effect on almost every aspect of your life.
There’s a different way to communicate and delegate, compliment and correct, motivate and counsel people with different personalities. Your power to influence others springs from two sources: position power and personal power. Position power is derived from your position, job, title or status; personal power, in contrast, comes from earning it. Personal power can turn mere compliance into cooperation. You can’t lead until you are genuinely accepted. If you honor people’s individuality, they’ll feel like they’re on a winning team and will work harder, better for you. But you must empower them rather than just seeking power over them.
The best leaders realize what a job or task requires—and then do it by working well with all of the personality styles in all sorts of situations.
Be aware of your style and how it can affect others. Being conscious of the extremes of your style will allow you to become a better leader and have better relationships at home as you see for the first time how others view you.
Four Styles of Leadership
These four styles bring different ways of doing things to a group:
1. Directors tend to communicate with short, task-oriented comments. They like to assume control, have a clear agenda, set things in motion, and keep the discussion on track and on time. They influence others by structuring agendas, tasks, and assignments. Directors want to make key decisions on key issues, then delegate the rest of the work.
2. Socializers communicate frequently. Their comments are likely to include jokes, cover a range of topics, and use flattery or compliments to win over the group and get its members to feel good as a team. They’ll often use humor to defuse tension or conflict. They try to avoid a hard line that will lose them acceptance or recognition. They involve others in the give-and-take, work out compromises, and downplay divisions.
3. Relaters ask questions, try to understand others’ points of view or what follow-through will be expected. They act as synthesizers, go-betweens, or translators. They keep the process moving along. They’ll elaborate on what others say and encourage everyone to have their say. They exert influence by keeping things mellow and moving. They work toward consensus.
4. Thinkers observe until they fully grasp an issue and figure out what they want to say. They often begin by asking a few questions. Then, if the climate seems receptive, they relate what they believe is the answer. Information and logic are their tools. They like to furnish information that suggests their expertise and experience. They’re likely to focus on the “rightness,” or logic, of a solution. They involve others to get information from various sources. However, they prefer to have much of the group work done behind the scenes. They like to be the only ones who know how all the parts of the task fit together. They crave “rational” decisions. They like to list pros and cons of issues to select the best course of action.
Polishing Your Style
Whatever your primary style, you can round off the sharper edges.
1. If you’re a director: Remember that others have feelings and that your hard-charging, know-it-all style can make others feel inadequate and resentful. Accept that mistakes will occur, and try to temper justice with mercy. You might even joke about errors you make. Encourage growth in others by praising them when they do something well and by giving them some authority and then staying out of their way so they can use it. Whatever you lose in control, you’ll gain in commitment and competency. Try not to be so bossy. Ask others’ opinions and plan some collaborative actions.
2. If you’re a socializer: Your people depend on you not just for ideas, but for coordination, too. So anything you can do to become more organized—making lists, keeping your calendar current, prioritizing goals—will pay big dividends. Nothing’s so dispiriting as to see the boss drop the ball. If you fail to follow-up, procrastinate on tough decisions, or make pledges you don’t keep, people will lose faith. Your charm and warmth can’t compensate for being unreliable. When conflicts occur, try to deal with them up front, not sweep them under the rug. Organize your time better and keep your socializing in balance with your tasks.
3. If you’re a relater: You’re probably popular, and so your goal should be to become more effective. Learn to stretch a little, taking on more or different duties, and accomplishing them more quickly. You may want to be more assertive and more open about your thoughts and feelings. Experiment with a little risk, a little change. Being sensitive to the feelings of others is one of your greatest strengths. But you must seek a middle ground between that and being knocked off balance by the first negative comment or action that comes your way.
4. If you’re a thinker: Your high standards are a two-edged sword. Others may be inspired by your quest for excellence, but often they feel frustrated because they can never seem to please you. Soften your criticism and ease up on your need to control. You can have high standards without requiring perfection in others. That’ll take a load off your shoulders—and off theirs.
Whatever your style, being adaptable can help you to build bridges and make others feel valued. By learning how to best respond to their interests and concerns, their strengths and weaknesses, you can get the most from your people and leave them more satisfied.
Excellence in Action: Which leadership style best fits your personality? Identify which leadership style you most closely resemble and implement the necessary changes to become a more authentic leader.
Optimism vs. Pessimism
Let’s talk about optimism and pessimism. The optimist believes in the triumph of hope over expectations. Real optimism flies in the face of the facts. It has to be irrational, otherwise it’s simply common sense. Pessimists calculate the odds. Optimists believe they can overcome them.
Our problem is that, seen through the prism of history, the optimism of the victorious always looks inevitable. If only each of us could be blessed with that kind of confidence, that fibre of moral certainty, now, as we are confronted by our daily trials and tests. We are talking, ultimately, about faith, about a willingness to hang onto something that transcends logic. But it is important for you to remember that even those who are held up to us as paragons of faith and optimism and iron will know despair.
Even the greatest among us, throughout all of history, have been afflicted by doubt and despair. It’s a natural part of the human condition. Optimism is the quality that allows us to triumph over despair. It requires courage and a willingness to dare.
"Life is not easy, but you must dare to hope."
Dante wrote that “the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who preserve their neutrality in times of crisis.” A perfect definition, I’ve always thought, of the journalist. I have struggled all my life to maintain objectivity. That is the proper condition for an observer, but not for those who get things done. The paradox you will confront throughout life is that optimists do not always triumph. They are mocked and reviled, imprisoned and killed; but the progress of the human race ultimately depends upon those who are willing to put hope above expectations.
When all is said and done, intelligence alone is not what will save us. Intelligence fueled by hope and faith and courage is what will save us. It is willingness to believe in something beyond ourselves. And yes, I do mean some infinite power that infuses our existence with a meaning that transcends the simple span of our lives. If we do not believe in that, then there is no reason to build for a future. No reason to build churches or synagogues or mosques, no reason to teach values to children, no reason to plant trees, no reason to fight intolerance against anyone other than ourselves.
We need some optimism again, some hope. We need some adventurers, some planners, farmers, builders. We need to put some of our cynicism aside. It is our challenge—yours and mine—to accept society’s daring proposition that self-control works; to dare to believe that the future can be better than the past; that even among our self-centered generation there have been optimists who have planted seeds so that you can reap the harvest; and that, encouraged by their example, even more of you will do the same for your children. Life is not easy, but you must dare to hope.
Excellence in Action: Instead of complaining about your next difficult task, solve it optimistically.
Power in the PositiveUndoubtedly, there are people today who have within themselves astonishing power. I think that may be said of everyone, and yet we allow the smallest and most insignificant things to frustrate our power. I do not know what constitutes an obstacle in the way of your success or happiness. But I do know that it is not necessary for you to be hobbled, hampered, or defeated.
I am constantly amazed at the astonishing power that can be released in people by the simple habit of positive thinking, which is another term for faith. Anyone who becomes a great person did so because he refused to be a little person. He refused to allow obstacles to defeat him. The most inspirational thing in life is a person who has overcome obstacles and hardships.
But, you may say, “I’ve tried positive thinking, and things didn’t turn out right.”
Who said everything would turn out right? And what do you mean by “right”? Do you mean as you wanted? How do you know that your idea, the thing you wanted, was in harmony with God’s idea? It is my humble belief that when you and I are willing to put ourselves in harmony with God’s ideas, not trying stubbornly to force our own way, then things turn out right. That does not necessarily mean as we thought we wanted.
Positive thinking is realistic thinking. It always sees the negative, but it doesn’t dwell on the negative and nurture it, letting it dominate the mind. It keeps the negative in proper size and grows the positive big.
"As you think, so are you."
Those who are skeptical about positive thinking will cite instances where it didn’t seem to get results. But what, or who, was at fault? Was it the principles of positive thinking? Or was it the person who was using it, or who thought he was?
“If you have faith,” says the most reliable document ever written, “nothing shall be impossible.” And how do you release it? You release it by changing the cast of your thoughts. By practicing belief rather than disbelief. You probably go along every day affirming, “I cannot do that, I cannot do this.”
“I can’t.” How many times a day do you say, “I cannot do it”? All you have to do is repeat that negative thought to your subconscious mind and it will become a fact, because your subconscious mind wants to believe it anyway. Then you come up with a proposition and you hopefully ask your subconscious mind, “Can I, or can’t I?” Your subconscious mind will answer that you cannot do it. You have trained it to answer negatively. Your creative imagination has formed a picture of yourself as failing. As you think, so are you. You have thought yourself into a state of disbelief in yourself.
If, over a long period of time, you create in your mind the picture that you cannot, you will inevitably have a picture of yourself failing and, therefore, you will fail. You have two powers within you, creative imagination and will. You may summon your will, which will say, “I can.” But your creative imagination says, “No, you cannot.” In this conflict of opinion, you cannot, because your creative imagination is stronger than your will. This is true because imagination is in the realm of belief, and what you believe in your heart determines what you can or cannot do.
If, over time, you believe that with the help of God you can overcome, you can achieve, then you will get a deep, unshakable, picture that you can. Then your will and your imagination flow together, and against that power nothing negative can stand.
Philosopher William James once said, “Believe, and your belief will in time create the fact.” And Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Beware of what you want, because there is a strong likelihood that you will get it.” If you want some bad thing and keep forming a picture of it, you will get it. It will come to you. The whole universe will conspire to give it to you. If, on the contrary, you want some good thing, picture it, believe it, until it becomes your real desire: If you seek with all your heart, you shall find. Get into your mind positive convictions about what you want to be, what you want to become, and what you want to do. And you will go far toward attaining your goal.
"Identify yourself with success, and success will come to you."
If there is still in your mind the idea that you cannot do something, the reason you do not accomplish it is because you are thinking negatively. Start believing; start having faith. And presently, you will attain results. Identify yourself with success, and success will come to you.
The Bible points out that you have to repent and forgive if you want faith to operate in your life. You have to get all sin out. Did you commit a sin yesterday? And are you sorry for it? Then repent and ask for forgiveness, and don’t let it linger in consciousness as guilt. If it does, it will burrow down into your unconscious and will block power in your life.
You can’t get much faith through a person who is filled with sin, wrong, and guilt. To have a flow of this power through a personality, to release it, you must have a transformed personality. You have to get rid of hate, ill will, grudges, and sins, for they block power. Only a little power trickles through, not enough to give great strength.
So form in your mind a picture of yourself believing, achieving, what God wants you to do and to be. Cleanse yourself so that His power may get through you. No matter what obstacles are before you, if you will cleanse yourself and believe, you will attain absolutely astonishing feats.
Throw back your shoulders, let your heart sing, let your eyes flash, let your mind be lifted up. Live with verve and victory and enthusiasm, such as you have never had before. Leave those old negative defeats at the altar of God. And like Joan of Arc, let Him touch your bright and shining sword and storm the walls of defeat to conquer them.
Excellence in Action: Practice belief rather than disbelief.
