Do what you love and the stress falls away.
The times I have been most stressed, frustrated or unsatisfied in life, are the times when I have been unhappy professionally.
When I am excited and passionate about a business pursuit, no difficulty, problem or set back gives me stress. When I feel fervently about a project I am working on, pressures and problems only intensify my passion and commitment to achievement, thus offering me even more personal fulfillment.
Now, when I am not loving what I am doing, building or pursuing or I am temporarily without a meaningful pursuit, THAT is when I am most unsettled, frustrated and well, STRESSED!
Admittedly I might be a bit of a freak. I have been accused of being a hyper-ambitious over-achiever, but I think most anyone would agree…
If you LOVE what you do and would do IT even over most things recreational, everything in your world translates differently. Challenges become inspirations and set backs only give you the chance to dig deeper and rally harder – all the while having a blast and finding great personal fulfillment in the journey.
Here is how it works:
Stress is created only when there is resistance. If you don't enjoy what you are doing, and you resent it, you are resisting it, thus causing you stress.
Thankfully, we all have different passions or we'd all end up doing the same thing. Actually, I find it amazing that someone can love to do something I hate and vice versa, and that somehow there is somebody who loves to do everything there is. In other words, with all there is to do, there is an individual out there who loves to do each thing. Cool how that works out, huh?
I find this just as wondrous as the idea that we live on a huge ball flying through space, rotating at over 1000 mph, choreographed perfectly with a smaller ball circling it, revolving around another huge ball lit on fire, surrounded by several more huge balls. (My "scientific" definition of our solar system). : )
Everything about life has such perfect harmony... unless it doesn't. And it doesn't if you are not doing what makes YOUR heart sing. If you are defying the laws of your own natural attraction, not doing what you love, your system will be out of harmony, creating resistance and stress on planet YOU.
"So," you ask, "if there is such perfect harmony with each person loving to do different things, then why do people end up doing things they hate doing?"
A kind of question that exposes its own absurdity, huh?
Here is my best guess at why.
Environment and Associations can be powerful, such as...
Family conditioning: Doing what your PARENTS thought you should do and living out THEIR ambitions. Haven't you evaluated a career choice or professional path with the thought, "What would my parents think of this?" Even as adults we do this, I know I have. We end up doing what makes our parents puff their chest up when their friends ask them what you are doing with your life.
Social conditioning: Doing what your peers thought was cool. Picking a career path based on how it sounds when someone asks you at a cocktail party, "So what do you do?" Striving for a title that catapults you high on the societal totem pole. Picking a profession for the money so you can keep up with the Joneses. Becoming a slave to the material lure -- a learned response that your personal worth is equal to your accumulated possessions.
Educational conditioning: Doing what your teachers or other mentors thought you should do. Our education system is great at mass producing little robots to work for someone who overcame the conditioning. Didn't you hear, "Get good grades, so you can go to college, so you can get a secure job"?
And, then there is the "I have no idea how I ended up here" syndrome. "One thing led to another and ten years later, bang, here I am."
Now is the time to TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE.
Don't let society or other people be the puppet master of your life. Live by your own passions; live for your reasons, your values.
If your work causes you stress, that is a clue that it is going against the grain of Who You Are and what You were meant to Become.
I'm sure you have seen many people work at intense paces for long hours, but do not experience stress at all, because they absolutely LOVE what they do. They couldn't be more exhilarated or having more fun lying on a beach.
When you have as much fun at your Vocation as you do at your Vacation, you have found your true love and passion. Then you are the richest among your friends, family and neighbors.
So, what is your passion? What work would make your heart sing and give you endless fulfillment? This is a subject I have spent a great deal of time processing for myself.
Let me give you some questions to ask yourself to find out. Only You know the answer to these questions.
O Who is living the life you most respect or admire?
O What about their life or profession is attractive to you?
O What did they have to do to get to where they are?
O What would you do if you had NO fear and were ten times bolder?
O If you could be / do anything without fail, what would you be / do?
O If you were awarded $10 million dollars (tax-free), what would you do with your time?
O What would you do if you only had 6 months to live?
O People say, "Oh, you are so good at ____".
O Write down at least 20 talents you have been given.
O What are your 5 most important values in life?
O Describe the variables to your Ideal business.
O What is your working environment, what type of people do you work with, what do you do everyday?
O You are in your rocking chair and your great-grandchild asks you, "What are you most proud of in your life? What did you accomplish professionally & financially?"
With the answers to these questions, you will get a sense of what your true passions are, and what your ideal career path might be.
We have all been given the ability to dream -- for a reason. We were given gifts, talents, ambitions and passions for different pursuits -- for a reason.
You can say we were made to live out our dreams.
To not live in accordance to your dreams is living out of integrity with Who You Are and Who You were meant to Become, which will cause you stress.
Pursue what you love and the stress will fall away. Not to mention you will live an invigorating, passionate and fulfilling life, exercising the full measure of your God-given talents.
Passionately encouraging the best within YOU,
~ Darren Hardy
Pass the 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life series onto a friend by sending them this link: http://darrenhardy.typepad.com/blog/2007/02/10_secrets_to_a.html
Posted by Darren Hardy on Thursday, March 01, 2007 at 06:04 AM in 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
Thursday, February 08, 2007
10 Secrets to a Stress-Fee Life (9 of 10)
Feeling the pressure? Catch up on all the previous stress-free living secrets: HERE
OR 1a, 1b, 2a, 2b, 2c, 2d, 3a, 3b-I, 3b-II, 4, 5a, 5b, 6a, 6b, 7, 8
9. Stress… Dish It Out!
As stated in installments 5a and 8 - we all have exactly the same number of days in a week and number of hours in a day. Steve Jobs and the checker at the grocery store have exactly the same amount of time each day. It doesn’t matter if you are young, old, black, white, Canadian, American, male, female – it’s all equal.
In this installment I am going to share a success tip that could not only significantly reduce the stress in your life, but also make you far more productive and successful.
How would you like to get 2X, 5X, 10X or more done each day in half the time?
Sound good? OK, here is all you have to do…
STOP TRYING TO DO IT ALL YOURSELF!!
One of the greatest success disciplines of super-achievers AND enlightened Zen masters is delegation. Learn to ask for help. Learn to trust and empower others to accomplish what needs to be done.
Let me give you two examples. One that relates specifically to stress reduction and the other on increased productivity.
Example – Stress Reduction
My wife and I have been trying to have a baby for some time. It has been a trying and arduous process. We have gone the route of IVF and have had several failures. Not knowing what the issue could be our doctor suggested we try to eliminate any stress factors affecting my wife.
When we got home I asked my wife what would help her feel more relaxed and centered. She said: 1) long walks on the beach, 2) quiet reading time, and 3) extended time for personal care.
She quickly added this was unrealistic since she had so much to do each day. Sound familiar?
I asked her to make a list of what those things were and had her “star” the ones that were particularly stressful.
The top of the list was: 1) paying bills 2) cleaning the house and 3) some aspects of her interior design business.
Simple, here is what we did.
1) We hired a book keeper to come in once a week for a couple of hours to manage monthly finances, 2) Hired a house keeper to come in bi-weekly for the major cleaning and 3) Hired a part-time assistant to handle the functions of her business that doesn’t require specific talent, but is laborious and time consuming nonetheless.
I had her schedule in your day planner her beach walks and reading time and I scheduled her for a bi-weekly massage for extra insurance.
Before you start with your “ya-butt’s”, let me give you example #2.
Example – Increasing Productivity
When I was in residential real estate sales (early 90’s – also mentioned in installment 2b) I was a productivity maniac. I analyzed every activity and function of the business to determine how to gain competitive advantage and increase production.
There are a thousand things a Realtor can be doing at any given time… and all the time – it’s a 24/7 business. I figured out however that there were only 3 PRODUCTIVE things I could be doing at any given time: 1) negotiating a contract, 2) sitting in front of a seller listing a house or 3) prospecting.
Those are the activities where my talent was needed and when I did something that affected the money meter. Everything else, while it might be necessary and still needing to be done, was unproductive.
So, besides those three activities, I delegated everything else. At one point I had nine (9) assistants working for me. I also produced more real estate sales than any other agent in the city times 2 or 3.
Alright, let’s go through your excuse list (I know you are dying to!):
I can’t afford to hire help.
That’s hogwash! You can’t afford NOT to. What is your time worth? What does it need to be worth to earn the equivalent of your goals? Is that per hour time more than what you pay your housekeeper, bookkeeper, janitor, receptionist, data entry person, etc.? If you make more or want to make more you cannot afford to keep doing those jobs – period.
Stop doing them and two wondrous things will happen – 1) You will have more time to be productive so you CAN make what you are worth and 2) you will have less stress because you will not have to do all that mundane and tedious work.
I could do it better myself.
Either, 1) give up on your goals and become a full-time bookkeeper, gardener or whatever or 2) find someone who CAN do it as good as you or at least adequately enough just to get it DONE.
I don't know if I can trust him to do it.
Most people who are distrusting are untrustworthy. Maybe you just need to lighten up and trust a little more or if they are in fact untrustworthy, fire them and hire someone else.
He isn't qualified to do it.
Train him to be qualified to do it or find someone else who is.
I don't have the time to show anyone how to do it.
I hear this one a lot. How much longer do you want to keep having to say this? Make time or you will NEVER have time.
I don't want to give up this task because I like doing it.
Do you like it as much as a massage or a walk on the beach? Would you rather do IT on Saturday afternoon than get together with friends? If the answer is no, then stop doing it, because you don’t REALLY like doing it and it isn’t productive.
I'm the only person who knows how to do this.
Let’s hope you don’t get hit by a bus. Train someone else how to do it – NOW.
She messed up last time, so I'm not giving her anything else to do.
Maybe it was the instruction? Hmmm, never thought of that did ya? If you feel you have given thorough instructions, clearly spelled out expectations, encourage questioning and interactive guidance and performance is still poor – fire her and get someone else. Chances are though, it was the former issue that was the real problem.
Learn a little something? Pass it on. Send your friends (or those you are going to now be delegating to ;-) ) this link: http://darrenhardy.typepad.com/blog/2007/02/10_secrets_to_a.html
Posted by Darren Hardy on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 08:00 AM in 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Thursday, January 18, 2007
10 Secrets to a Stress-Fee Life (8 of 10)
Need to catch up? Read previous installments in backwards sequence: HERE
OR any installment: 1a, 1b, 2a, 2b, 2c, 2d, 3a, 3b-I, 3b-II, 4, 5a, 5b, 6a, 6b, 7
Put Your Stress in a Box
Compartmentalize your stresses. This is one of the most valuable strategies I employ for managing a multitude of simultaneous stresses and pressures in my life.
Think about the things that give you stress and how much it consumes you.
Then think about the stresses a CEO of a multi-national, publicly traded company that employs and supports the lives of tens of thousands of people, dealing with the continuous pressures of Wall Street performance, board reviews, hostile takeovers and ever present legal and competitive attacks.
What keeps that person from a constant nervous break-down?
Think about pressures and stress a president of the United States faces with the fate of a nation as his responsibility, campaigning policies that affects the welfare of millions, giving speeches listened to by the world, going from one meeting of great consequence to another all day long while grappling with political sabotage and being the final decision maker on acts of war or defense from terror attacks.
What keeps this person from doubling over with exploding ulcers? How can anyone in this position pause, sit down and read a bedtime story to their child?
Here is how - Every issue has its time and place and until that time you do not think about it or give it any piece of your mind. You put it into a “box” only to be opened at the appropriate time.
For instance, I have seen friends who are going to have a ride-along with their boss, give a speech, lead an important meeting, be tried a court case, etc. on say a Tuesday and they spend all weekend obsessed and consumed by it. They stresseed during times when they could do nothing to affect the better outcome AND while they were stealing time from other activities such as time with their family or dealing with other things.
It is the “mounting effect” you create when you are thinking about or being consumed by ALL that is stressing you – AT ALL TIMES.
Here is what I do - I schedule out my responsibilities and tasks then schedule the time when I am going to start to think and deal with that issue. Now it is in its box, will be taken care of properly and I don’t have to think about it until then.
Example: If I have an important meeting on Tuesday at 2pm, I decide how long it will take to be adequately prepared, (say two hours) and I will schedule that time (say 11 am to 1pm) and close the box on that issue until that time. I will not even think about it or give it any energy until that time as I will be in the middle of other boxes of issues during work hours.
This way I am only “stressed” or pressured by the single the issue I am dealing with at that moment and not the aggregate of everything in my life that is pressure filled at all times.
Make sense? This is crucial. This is the major difference between you and what you “can handle” or produce and what the CEO of a billion dollar company can. You think about your problems morning, noon and night and the CEO compartmentalizes the issues and doesn’t let everything consume him/her at all times, thus can be many times more productive with the same 24/7/365 we all have.
This is how you can be a massive producer and still maintain balance and inner peace.
When not working I put all my boxes away and close the door to my office – not to be bothered with until it’s time to re-open the door to then pull one box off the shelf at a time according to the prescheduled time.
Then of course there is always all my personal boxes to deal with (at their appropriate times) until I get to the place in my schedule where all the issues are properly accounted for and scheduled (in their appropriate boxes) and it is time to just relax – but truly relaxed and in the present.
How do you do that? Be there, present, and do not open any of your boxes.
~Darren Hardy
Was this instructive? Pass it along to a friend by sending them this link: http://darrenhardy.typepad.com/blog/2007/01/10_secrets_to_a.html
Posted by Darren Hardy on Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 02:49 PM in 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life (7 of 10)
If you are a new reader of this blog, we are in the middle of a series on how to live a Stress-Free Life. You are encouraged to go to our archive and find the articles that have led up to this edition. The one idea that could make a huge difference for you could have been discussed there. Go take a look
7. Just Say NO...
Nancy (Reagan, that is) was right... JUST SAY, “NO”.
I find it comical that we have more "time-saving" technologies today, to make our lives more convenient, yet we are the busiest (and most stressed-out) society in our recorded history!
OK, maybe it's not funny, but it's true.
Studies show that life for families, a hundred years ago, was a lot less stressful when we didn't have 90% of the "conveniences" we have today. Yes, today we get more "stuff" done and we collect more "things" in our garages, closets and attics, but we are not any happier.
In fact, it is proven that we are less happy today than we were before the microwave, the television, the computer and a hundred other things that were supposed to bring us more happiness and a higher quality of life.
Some fun facts about some of the major inventions intended to add "quality of life" over the last hundred years...
Electric Vacuum - 1901
Washing Machine - 1906
Plastics - 1910
Assembly Line - 1913
Electric Refrigerator - 1913
Television - 1923
Frozen Food - 1924
Electric Razor - 1928
Copy Machine - 1938
Microwave - 1947
Computer (UNIVAC) - 1951
Fiber Optics - 1955
Cell phone - 1973
VCR – 1975
World Wide Web - 1989
Blackberry (aka “Crackberry”) - 1999
And, to deal with all this "quality of life"…
Prozac - 1972
The key is to use technology and not let it use you. Also, use it more efficiently and to get done what you have to do so you have more time to do what you want to do.
I have a friend who can't say "no" to a request of her time. She continually creates such stress and chaos in her life that she often falls ill and suffers from continual health problems. Not only is her life always in total mayhem, but she can never complete all those commitments, so she ends up angering the people she set out to please. Crazy, huh?
Do you know someone who does just that? Maybe you sleep next to that person every night? Or maybe it is that person you see in the mirror every morning. (Yeah, that person!)
Be careful --this kind of insanity is never-ending, and ultimately could stunt your growth -- reducing your height by six feet. :-( Not good.
The remedy? Just say "No," or better yet, say "No, thank you!"
First, it is important you are clear about what is important to you and what your major goals and ambitions are in life. Once identified, your ability to accomplish them will coincide with your ability to not get distracted in your pursuit of reaching your goals.
If necessary, when asked to do something that will distract you from your important life progress, instead of just saying, "No", do explain...
"In order for me to accomplish the company's/family's overall goal, I have to do ______, which will benefit everybody involved, including you. It's important that I concentrate my time there. I'm sure you understand.”
This is the number two reason that people over commit and become a puppet in everyone else's agenda- they do not have defined values, goals and a plan to accomplish those objectives.
When you don't have a plan for your life, everybody else has one for you. You then live in accordance with everybody else's g.
So what is the number one reason people over commit, you ask?
Trying to please everyone; needing to be liked and approved by everyone; afraid if you say, "No", you will disappoint people or they will like you less.
Do you want to help people? Do you really want to make a difference for everybody around you? Realize the best thing you can do for another is have them witness you living in accordance with your own values and your own integrity. Exemplify someone who maintains a balanced, happy, peaceful and fulfilling life. This is the greatest service you can offer your clients, co-workers, friends and family. Sacrificing yourself for the agenda of someone else only perpetuates the cycle of stress and despair.
Read the previous paragraph again and again. Post it on your mirror, fridge and in your car – get it.
"The best way to empower the dreams of humanity is with living our own dreams."
- Neale Donald Walsch
Say "YES" to your dreams, - Darren Hardy
Pay-it-forward to a friend, send them this link: http://darrenhardy.typepad.com/blog/2006/12/10_secrets_to_a.html
Posted by Darren Hardy on Tuesday, December 12, 2006 at 12:20 PM in 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Thursday, November 30, 2006
10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life (6b of 10)
6b. The How-to of Journaling Your Way to Success
Follow-up to: 6. Write-Off Your Stress - Journal Your Way to Mental Liberation!
I got a lot of great feedback on Monday’s article on how to write-off stress from your life. Many of the emails were asking for more information on how I organize and use my journal. I thought you would benefit from an article written by the man who originally taught and persuaded me to start keeping a journal.
I now have a compilation of 17 years (over forty journal books full) of the best ideas, thoughts, observations and experiences I have collected, always available as a resource for future projects. My journals are indeed my most valuable material possession. Collecting thoughts on paper has become an important success advantage for me. I highly suggest it for you, too.
Keeping a Journal by Jim Rohn
If you're serious about becoming a wealthy, powerful, sophisticated, healthy, influential, cultured and unique individual, keep a journal. Don't trust your memory. When you listen to something valuable, write it down. When you come across something important, write it down.
I used to take notes on pieces of paper and torn-off corners and backs of old envelopes. I wrote ideas on restaurant placemats. On long sheets, narrow sheets and little sheets and pieces of paper thrown in a drawer. Then I found out that the best way to organize those ideas is to keep a journal. I've been keeping these journals since the age of twenty-five. The discipline makes up a valuable part of my learning, and the journals are a valuable part of my library.
I am a buyer of blank books. Kids find it interesting that I would buy a blank book. They say, "Twenty-six dollars for a blank book! Why would you pay that?"
The reason I pay twenty-six dollars is to challenge myself to find something worth twenty-six dollars to put in there. All my journals are private, but if you ever got a hold of one of them, you wouldn't have to look very far to discover it is worth more than twenty-six dollars.
I must admit, if you got a glimpse of my journals, you'd have to say that I am a serious student. I'm not just committed to my craft; I'm committed to life, committed to learning new concepts and skills. I want to see what I can do with seed, soil, sunshine and rain to turn them into the building blocks of a productive life.
Keeping a journal is so important. I call it one of the three treasures to leave behind for the next generation. In fact, future generations will find these three treasures far more valuable than your furniture.
The first treasure is your pictures. Take a lot of pictures. Don't be lazy in capturing the event. How long does it take to capture the event? A fraction of a second. How long does it take to miss the event? A fraction of a second. So don't miss the pictures. When you're gone, they'll keep the memories alive.
The second treasure is your library. This is the library that taught you, that instructed you, that helped you defend your ideals. It helped you develop a philosophy. It helped you become wealthy, powerful, healthy, sophisticated, and unique. It may have helped you conquer some disease. It may have helped you conquer poverty.
It may have caused you to walk away from the ghetto. Your library, the books that instructed you, fed your mind and fed your soul are one of the greatest gifts you can leave behind.
The third treasure is your journals: the ideas that you picked up, the information that you meticulously gathered. But of the three, journal writing is one of the greatest indications that you're a serious student. Taking pictures, that is pretty easy. Buying a book at a book store, that's pretty easy. It is a little more challenging to be a student of your own life, your own future, your own destiny. Take the time to keep notes and to keep a journal. You'll be so glad you did. What a treasure to leave behind when you go. What a treasure to enjoy today!
To Your Success,
Jim Rohn
The course I studied on how to keep a journal is this one. I recommend it.
How to Use a Journal - Includes a Jim Rohn Leather Journal
A life worth living is a life worth recording.
Jim Rohn's insights and guidance on CD guide you into using a major tool he has used over the past 37 years for gathering and collecting ideas and experiences. Also includes a Jim Rohn Leather Journal to begin recording your own life journey.
You can buy it for yourself or someone you want to help be successful HERE
Read the previous installments of 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life Here
Posted by Darren Hardy on Thursday, November 30, 2006 at 10:00 AM in 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Sunday, November 26, 2006
10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life (6 of 10)
6. Write-Off Your Stress –
Journal Your Way to Mental Liberation!
Whenever I get a head full of tension that I can't beat out of me in the gym, I sit down with my journal and process it out on paper. When I "talk it out" on paper, my frustrations never seem as overwhelming and formidable as they felt when bottled up in my skull.
I list out on paper all the seemingly colossal and insurmountable problems that I am tirelessly choreographing in my head. By the time I am done, the two-ton Mack truck (my mental illusion) that I once felt sitting on my chest, shrinks to the toy Tonka truck of reality.
After I have finished "Rolphing" my mental burdens onto paper, I create action plans to resolve each of these issues so I no longer harbor the contrived stress. Once I feel I have mental and emotional control of everything I had swirling recklessly in my noggin, I once again gain mental and emotional peace – ta da!!
Stress is created when we feel out of control. When we have a dozen issues swimming around in our heads and we can’t get our "mental arms" around them. This makes everything FEEL magnified and multiplied. The frustration mounts until eventually we walk into a post office and ... well, you know the rest ;-).
When we materialize our mental albatrosses onto paper, we see that our problems are not as big as they feel, nor as difficult as we imagine. This simple practice brings our troubles into manageable order. We then regain control and thus are emancipated!
The best personal coach you can hire – YOU!
You are wiser, more intuitive and intelligent than you realize. The problem is you are stuck in your head. You can be a great source of insight and coaching for others, right? There is no better personal coach for you than yourself. The trick is to get outside of yourself and out of your head.
The secret to doing this is to write out a list of challenging questions, then force yourself to answer them on paper. It’s amazing that while writing, a mysterious miracle occurs and you start coming up with answers that you did not know you had inside yourself.
Write-off these emotions forever…
ANGER
When dealing with anger I might ask myself, "Why do I feel like shoving a sharp stick into this guy's eye, repeatedly?" ;-) "Why am I feeling angry?” "Why did that person do that, really?" "What are they responding to?" (We know that anger is a response to hurt or is a cry for help). "Was there something I did that caused their action?" "Could have I done something to have prevented it?" Now that it is done, "If I were operating at my Grandest Vision of my Highest Self, how would I respond to this? Sometimes I'll use as a mentor whom I respect as a model. "How would ______ respond to this?"
The answer to one of the last two questions is usually how I will choose to respond. This process usually exposes my accountability for my contribution to the issue, and then my best and highest response.
BUT sometimes I'm still miffed, so then I take a page from Abe & Mary Lincoln's book.
During the Civil War Abe wrote many stinging letters to his commanders and generals fighting on the front lines. His wife secretly removed the letters from the mail box and they were never delivered. Abe was able to release his anger and his important officials were not subject to, nor in reaction to, his fierce lashings. Soon the issues that caused his temporary rage of anger were gone and forgotten and the relationships remained intact.
I have written many fuming letters or emails that were never sent. I felt better and I did not sacrifice my personal integrity by being caught up in reaction… and they did not get a sharp stick in the eye.J
FEAR
Fear is OK. Fear is an instinctual, protective response mechanism. Just be sure it is protecting you from physical harm and is not just a bruise of insecurity on your ego. This kind of ego is your false facade that is more worried about looking good than stretching the growth of your inner spirit.
Your inner spirit seeks expansion and the thrill of new adventures. So, ask yourself, "What am I fearing?" "Why do I fear that?" "If I do it anyway, what is the worst that can happen?" "Does it involve bodily harm or potential death?" (Just to put it into perspective). "Have other people been able to do what I am attempting to do already" ("Like, come on, yellow belly… If they can do it, so can you.” Yeah, I prod myself too.) "If I do it anyway, what is the best that can happen?" "How will I feel if I do it and I'm successful?"
INDECISION
Indecision is usually a result of fear. See the above process. I also ask myself these questions to confirm my decision - "Which decision is more in alignment with my core values?" "If I were my Grandest Vision of My Highest Self, how would I decide and what would I decide?"
Still uncertain? Call on Uncle Ben to help you decide -- Ben Franklin, that is. Yes, the Ol' Pro and Con list is still one of the best tried-and-true formulas for good decision making.
OVERWHELM or WORRY
As described above, just pour out onto paper all that is in your head. You will quickly see that it is less than it appears (which takes away overwhelming feelings) then create action plans to get everything done in a manageable order. There is nothing to worry about when you are back in command, at the helm of your life's ship.
There, we just saved you from a nervous breakdown, a head stroke or having the guys in the white coats come to take you away to the funny farm. Feel better? J
The bottom line is... YOU already know everything you want to know and you have all the answers to the questions that are plaguing you. Really, you do! You just have to learn to become your own shrink (personal coach) and ask yourself the keen questions. Ultimately, you'll discover that YOU are your own best mentor, and that you are amazingly wise and intelligent.
Cool, huh? I think so. More yet to come.
Taking the "Journal" to success together,
-Darren Hardy
Read Tips 1-5:
1. Create boundaries.
1a. “Uh, you forgot your Monkey”
1b. You get in life what you TOLERATE
2. Be the Master of Your Universe
2a. Feel it… really feel it.
2b. The GRAND Illusion… be fooled no longer.
2c. Don't be a blowhard! You are NOT unique
2d. End the Love Affair
3. How to Have Power Over the Outer World
3a. WHO is Controlling You?
3b. WHAT is Controlling You
3b (pt.2) WHAT is Controlling You?
4. Tug-O-War
5a. Feeling Stressed? MOVE!
5b. Making Exercise Easy.
Posted by Darren Hardy on Sunday, November 26, 2006 at 05:56 PM in 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Secrets to a Stress-Free Life (5b. of 10)
5b. Making Exercise Easy.
Read installments 1 - 5a
You don't have to grunt, grind your teeth, and blow a vein in your forehead to get into shape. Your physical objective doesn't have to be Conan the Barbarian or Xena, the Warrior Princess, either, to be classified as healthy.
Simple and easy, but REGULAR exercise can help you achieve and maintain your ideal weight. By making exercise a part of your daily routine you will also reduce your risk of an early appointment with the Grim Reaper.
"I don't need to exercise, I'm skinny."Oh, the world envies you -- that is until the day you prematurely drop dead of an instant heart attack: "Elizabeth, this is the big one." Obesity is not the only evidence of poor health. You can be skinny on the outside, and fat on the inside. It's true -- some of the skinniest people you know might have congested arteries and stuffed intestinal tracts. Yeah, let's check your small intestine, Kate Moss!
Take my little brother, for instance, he looks like mosquito netting over a skeleton. Really, you'd think he was on the Gandhi nutritional plan. Yet, he eats like a garbage disposal. His diet is comprised of just that -- garbage. The stuff you and I probably wouldn't eat for an indulgent dessert, he eats for breakfast. Exercise to him sounds like something that happened in the Poltergeist movie. Skinny? Yes. Healthy? No. I'd bet on the Sumo wrestler in a stair climbing competition.
So, I'm making two points here: 1) Travis, get your narrow booty off the couch and run around the block, and 2) Physical appearance is not a complete indication of health.
If you don't rev that heart up and get it pushing blood vigorously around your anatomy, and you don't move out the tension stored in your body that is heaped on your organs, it'll be a short tunnel with the white light at the end for you. Pushing blood through the body will not only burn excess stored fat but it will also flush toxins and oxygenate your system giving you the energy and vitality you want.
Here are some suggestions on getting back to that ol' high school physique...
1. Don't make STARTING your exercise plan a big deal.
Don't wait until you go down and get your gym membership, get new running shoes, or vow to begin "next Monday". Just run out your front door today and don't come back for 30 minutes. It’s too cold outside? Super bad hair day? You can do what my mother does -- she runs in place for 30-40 minutes in her apartment! Yeah, her downstairs neighbors just love that. Ever try to read or talk on the phone while someone is running in place in front of you? Makes you understand the temporary insanity plea to a violent crime:) I'm kidding... kind of.
Here is the bottom line: There is no "I'll start when...." Do it today. Seriously, get your heart rate up for at least 30 minutes TODAY. No, driving home in rush hour traffic doesn't count :).
2. Consistency is the key.
Exercise, like every successful habit, is analogous to getting water from a well. Once you get water, you have to keep pumping the lever. If you stop for two weeks, the water falls all the way to the bottom and you have to pump hard just to get back to even. Otherwise, you can just pump it REGULARLY (at least 3 times per week for 30 or more minutes) and you will make progress on your health goals.
REMEMBER, this is only in maintenance mode, which assumes you are already at a good weight and you eat properly as well. If you have a garbage gut then you are going to have to make it up accordingly in exercise. If you knew how many minutes it takes to work off a hand full of potato chips you'd opt for the apple. Also, if you are hanging pretty far off the sides and front, you're going to have to step it up just a bit to make up for some lost time.
3. Change it up.
Doing the same thing day after day, year after year will plateau your results. Your body will become accustomed to this routine and it will no longer be challenged. My dad has run and worked out all his life. When his knee didn't want to hit the pavement any more (the ol' football injury) he bought a rowing machine. Now every morning he rows his tail off for 20-30 minutes (want to get your butt kicked, try that!)-- and you should see him! Just like the lean, mean machine of yesteryear.
He also VARIES the type of workout he does. This is constantly confusing the body, giving it constant challenge and improvement. A lot of people run every day but can't seem to make any progress. They are giving their bodies the same challenge. Do something different. Do it in a different way. Run sprints, run hills, run in the sand, whatever, just don't let your body know what to expect day after day. When I'm at my place in South Beach, I'll even just run up and down the building stairs for a work out (I'm on the 28th floor!). Trust me, it'll make your heart want to leap out of your chest.
4. Make it fun.
Don't make exercise drudgery. Make it something you love to do and look forward to. So that if you don't do it, you miss it and can't wait for the next opportunity. Hike the mountains vigorously, bike up the coast, or throughout the country side, roller-blade, play tennis, racket ball, volleyball, tennis or swim. Try yoga, African dance, kick boxing, Tae-Bo, spinning; there are a thousand things, give them all a try till you find a few that you enjoy. No, playing poker doesn't count :(.
Whatever gets your heart rate up and keeps it up for 20-30 minutes at a time is the key.
5. Do it with someone.
This helps to keep it interesting. Spending 30 minutes on a treadmill goes by a lot faster if you have someone interesting to talk with while you're doing it. You could try coordinating your work out with a friend, but my experience is that this is short lived. You only have so much time to fit in a workout, so coordinating two schedules can be a nightmare. Then if they can't make it, it gives you another excuse to justify your own excuse as well.
My suggestion here is to hire a professional trainer. It is especially good if you need a kickstart to getting back into shape. They can give you an individual program to fit your goals, show you the ropes around the equipment and they'll be there looking at their watch holding you accountable. The commitment of the wallet will also encourage you to stay steadfast to your commitment to your heart.
Get started today! The best health care plan you can commit to is to stay out of the hospital. Which do you prefer, the hospital, the morgue or the gym? Wow, all of a sudden the gym sounds pretty good, huh?
I'm making an appeal for your grandchildren. The best gift you can give them, is YOU -- alive, to share their life with.
Happy heart pounding!
- Darren Hardy
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Posted by Darren Hardy on Sunday, November 12, 2006 at 03:05 PM in 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Stress-Free Life (5a of 10)
Don’t miss some of the previous installments:
1. Create boundaries.
1a. “Uh, you forgot your Monkey”
1b. You get in life what you TOLERATE
2. Be the Master of Your Universe
2a. Feel it… really feel it.
2b. The GRAND Illusion… be fooled no longer.
2c. Don't be a blowhard! You are NOT unique
2d. End the Love Affair
3. How to Have Power Over the Outer World
3a. WHO is Controlling You?
3b. WHAT is Controlling You
3b (pt.2) WHAT is Controlling You?
4. Tug-O-War
5a. Feeling Stressed? MOVE!
Perform an “Exercism” - Exercise the stress out of you.
In this day and age you have to already be convinced of the mind-body connection to your health. Just as a cut on your finger will aggravate your mental concentration, so will collecting mental battle wounds and pressures all day, drag your body down.
You store your mental stress in your body. The only way to get the stress out of your mind is to get it out of your body.
Exercise is not only good to keep you looking good in that skimpy swimsuit or to keep you from dropping dead of coronary artery disease; it also is the key to maintaining your energy, and to staying in psychological and mental balance.
I know this from personal experience. I am religious about working out and have become very sensitive to the state of my body. If I don't work out for a couple of days, I can feel the tension storing up in my muscles, joints AND mental psyche. You know how some people become a little crazy if their blood sugar drops below a certain point until they eat? Well, that's how I become if I haven't worked out . . . ROARR!
Habits don't discriminate. The same way you arrived at any bad habits (e.g. smoking, overeating, drinking, watching mindless TV, etc.) is the same way you develop positive, healthy habits- by doing them over and over until you are uncomfortable NOT doing them.
What happens if you don't have your coffee in the morning? Even though you might not need the caffeine, you've "just gotta" have a cup of coffee. Why? Habit.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit" - Aristotle
Here is the good news: This can become the same for exercise. If you do it regularly, for long enough, you will "need" to work out to get back to your "normal" state of healthy balance.
Let’s eliminate a couple of whinny excuses:
"I'm too tired (whimper)!”
Have you heard that before? Maybe uttered from your own lips? You don't have enough energy to exercise? As Emerson said, "Do the thing and you'll have the power (to do it)". No where else is this more true. Vigorous exercise actually gives you energy. Do the exercise and you'll have the energy!
"I don't have time (sigh)."
Used this one before? There is no such thing as not having enough time. It's funny to me to hear people claim victim to some "time warp" in their life by comparison to everybody else.
Time is the great equalizer. We all have the EXACT same amount of time. Young, old, black, white, Canadian, American, male, female - no discrimination here; we all have exactly 24 hours everyday. What we do with it is a different story.
I guarantee, if I followed you around on a typical day, we'd notice that 3-4 hours are really just wasted away! The excuse of not having "enough" time becomes even more pitiful when you rank your health and well-being to the rest of your list of priorities!
What IS your list of priorities? Is your health more important than your career? Is your health more important than . . . bowling, your favorite sitcom, reading the paper, your golf handicap, happy hour, etc.? Without your health, none of those are even possible! Your health however, is possible without any of them. You can't be with your family, practice your spirituality or be a great friend if you don't have your health and energy.
So eliminate "I don't have time" from your vocabulary. Put your health into the proper priority spot in your agenda. Before you give any of the less important priorities your time, be sure you've got your daily requirement of exercise written in bold type on your plan.
Exercise long enough and you won't be able to function without it. You will become addicted to the great feelings, the strength, the vitality, you get from living a healthy life!
In the next issue, I'll give you some great tips to effectively exercise. I'll discuss ways to reach your optimum vigor and ideal body weight fast, and the most important key - staying there. We'll discuss how to make it fun, and something you look forward to all day rather than something you dread. Sound good?
Bottom line: I will give you some ideas on how to make living a healthy lifestyle great fun, easy and painless.
Are you ready? Until then, at least go for a walk around the block. :-)
Here to "pump you up" mentally and physically! - Darren Hardy
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To read previous installments of 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life, CLICK HERE
Other Related Articles:
· Is Stress Making You Fat?
· 5 Fast Stress-Busters
· Weight Loss Tips pt. 1
· Weight Loss Tips pt. 2
· Don’t Turn Your Sweet Dreams into a Diet Nightmare
Posted by Darren Hardy on Thursday, November 09, 2006 at 03:15 PM in 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Stress-Free Life (4 of 10)
4. Tug-O-War
To access previous installments click here
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know your time online and reading email can be chaotic and distracting. To have this material really make a difference for you, it is suggested that you print the articles out and read them at a time reserved for relaxed, focused attention. Think of this as reading a progressive book, getting only a few pages at a time. –DH
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The great internal conflict: Knowing what you could and should do, versus what you are doing.
Not living in congruence with your values and priorities can be the most damaging causes of psychological and emotional stress.
"Gentlemen, I think I know what plagues the mind the most:
Doing less than you know you can."
- Jim Rohn speaking to a room full of psychologists
We are all given rare and unique talents and an unlimited capacity for greatness. I believe our driving purpose is to exercise and expand these gifts and see what we can produce with them. I think we have a responsibility to ourselves to actualize our highest potential; to make more of ourselves than we started with. I believe at a spiritual level we know this and that we constantly feel the tug of this ambition. It is when we ignore this urge and choose to do less than our best that we oppress our minds and our spirits.
"There is only one purpose for all of life, and that is for you and all that lives to experience fullest glory; your highest potential. Everything else you say, think, or do is attendant to that function. There is nothing else for your soul to do, and nothing else your soul wants to do. The wonder of this purpose is never ending. Should there come a moment in which you experience yourself in your fullest glory, you will in that instant, imagine an ever greater glory to fulfill. The more you are, the more you can become, and the more you can become, the more you can yet be. The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself, but creating yourself anew. Seek, therefore, not to find out Who You Are, seek to determine Who You Want to Become." - Ancient Script
Growth and expansion is our soul's desire: expansion of love, joy, happiness and the development of our talents, recognized as achievement in the marketplace and love in our personal life. When we settle for less than this, a little piece of our passionate spirit is distinguished until people are, as it has been called - living dead.
"Most people die by 30 but we don't bury them til 65 or so” - Mark Twain
We are faced with the choices to define ourselves everyday.
· You say your family is your priority, yet you are looking only at their picture on your desk as you work late again. The family vacation is put off another year. You arrive home again after your children are already in bed.
· You sit on the couch with a bag of potato chips as you think about your declaration to lose 15 pounds. You cringe when you realize another Monday (the day you were going to start going to the gym) rolls by, although you have stated that your health has become a major priority.
· You lay awake at night realizing you have shied away from yet another viable business opportunity by making excuses to hide your fear of failing. All the while you state your priority to become financially independent and bring abundance to your family.
· You say your relationship is a priority, yet a birthday, anniversary or an important occasion goes forgotten again, missing the chance for the other person to be acknowledged by the person who means the most to them.
The weight of this psychological stress can be crushing. You feel stressed but you don't know why. It is the constant tug-of-war going on inside you – between the ambition of your highest potential and your daily choices and actions.
Are you living out of alignment with your highest values and priorities?
I love this quote:
"A man has to live for, and when necessary, fight for, his values because the whole process of living consists of the achievement of these values. If they are threatened, he has to be willing to fight and die, if necessary, for his right to live like a rational being in accordance to his highest moral values. Decide what you are willing to die for. But what is more important, what are you willing to live for?” -Ayn Rand
Most people have not even declared what their highest priorities are- the highest values in their life. In the next series, I'll give you an easy way to assess your most important values, to evaluate any disassociation and discover how to live in complete alignment with the real values of Who You Are and most importantly, who you want to become. This will serve to eliminate disjointed stress and help you begin living the life of your highest potential and soulful fulfillment.
And again, you CAN live the life you were meant to live!
- Darren Hardy
Read previous installments of 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life: HERE
Posted by Darren Hardy on Thursday, October 19, 2006 at 06:55 PM in 10 Secrets to a Stress-Free Life | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Stress-Free Life (3b of 10 - pt.2)
3b (pt.2) WHAT is Controlling You?
To access previous installments click here
The influence of your ENVIRONMENT continued.
In the last article we discussed the dramatic impact the environment of information and input we are bombarded with everyday has on your mind. Now we finish the discussion on how your physical environment can cause or alleviate the feeling of stress and anxiety in your life.
Ask yourself, what would make me feel more peaceful, calm and inspired at home, at the office or in my car? What would I need to eliminate and what could I add?
First and foremost, I would suggest- CLEANSE.
Clean the clutter. Your surroundings mirror the organization in your head and thus your emotional body. Don't give in to the weak excuse, "I know it looks like clutter to you, but it's how I know where everything is." If it LOOKS like clutter, it is!
See, that's the point, your mind takes on emotionally what it sees physically.
Give it the appearance of a stress-free, tidy, peaceful environment and it will be so, emotionally.
When was the last time you went into a spa and saw it cluttered with stacks of files, paperwork, bills and notepads strewn about? How would that make you feel? That is exactly why you don’t feel free of stress and relaxed in your home or office if it is a mess of visual clutter.
Three good rules I have learned that work for me:
1) One-touch rule - Never touch a piece of paper more than once. Either file it (out of sight) or chuck it. If you pick it up and set it down more than once, it is now clutter.
2) Clear - At the end of the day, clear your desk of everything (yes, everything!). File it all away. If you are working on some things, create an action file and put it all in there and in a drawer or briefcase for easy access the next day.
3) Purgatory - If you are unsure whether something is going to ever be important and there is no appropriate file for it, make a file for that (I literally label my file, “Purgatory”). If I am looking for something, I can go through it, but 99.9% of the time I don’t. Every 3-months, without even looking through the contents, I throw the entire file out. The one out of a thousand times when you throw something out that you could have used, is worth the peaceful state of mind you will have by not accumulating and keeping clutter.
That leads me to the last point…
4) Purge - Don't be a pack rat. I LOVE to throw stuff out. It's so invigorating. I feel like I am simplifying and ridding myself of psychic weightiness. It is cathartic and liberating. When you harbor stuff, it's an indication that you are also harboring emotional (stress) stuff.
You can start with cleansing your physical environment and it will start the process of cleansing your psyche and emotional “house”.
Bonus Tip: I PP in my closet too (Purgatory and Purge). The funny thing is we only really wear (regularly) 10-20% of the clothes we have cluttering our drawers and closets – you know, our “favorite stuff”. We keep that other stuff around for that rare (never) occasion when you might wear it again. It doesn’t happen (because you go back to an ‘ol favorite) and it just litters our drawers and closets anyway.
I create a purgatory section in my closet. If I don’t wear it for a year, I donate it the next. I give away a lot of clothes – nice stuff, but I just don’t wear it and I would rather not have it collecting dust, taking space and burdening my consciousness. You would be surprised how freeing and energizing it is to cleanse, simplify and streamline your “stuff”.
Alright, no more just reading and saying “oh, good idea” and not taking any action. Do it now:
1. Clear your desk now (yes, right now). File or store necessary documents (most of which is not necessary). If you are unsure, put it in a “Purgatory” box and put today’s date on it and the date 6-months (we’ll start you off slow) from now. When that date comes, don’t look and throw it out.
2. Clear the rest of your office the same way. Strive for as little visual pollution and clutter as possible – think “Zen”. Have only what inspires you in your visual environment and file or store what only reminds you of burdens and disorder.
3. Clear your bedroom and kitchen as well. All these environments need to support a stress-free consciousness. These rooms in particular need nurture and support your calm and positive state of mind.
Daily life will give you enough to be “stressed” about, what you don’t need is to constantly live and exist in a visually caustic reinforcement of stress, disorder and chaos. Eliminate the visual turmoil of your environment and you will be surprised with the energy you will have left to ward off the rest.
Feeling better already? J
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Life Would Be Easy... If It Weren't for DIFFICULT People
Go on, it’s okay. Admit it! We all know that life would be a whole lot easier if we didn’t have to deal with those few (or many) difficult people we just can’t seem to avoid. I think you know who I’m talking about.
What’s not okay is to give up something you need, want or deserve because of their rude, obnoxious, sullen and apathetic habits. Yes, I do mean “habits.” If you’re tired of playing their game, take charge of your life by taking a good look at yourself! You cannot change them, but you can change what you do and how you act around them—and ultimately how they affect your life.
The Good News... and the Bad News
Difficult people have been trained and taught to act the way they do since they were children. In fact, they have been rewarded for their negative behavior throughout their entire lives. Difficult behavior worked for them as children—and more importantly, it continues to work for them as adults.
I believe that most of us are born with the capacity and desire to love and be loved. As we grow, we learn to respond to verbal and visual cues and we begin to adjust our behavior to obtain the positive responses we want. Children who can manipulate their parents soon learn to enjoy feelings of power and control over others.
The game of life is basically about “getting our needs met.” And you certainly do play a part! We reward difficult people by giving in to their needs. Think about it. If someone’s behavior is consistently inappropriate or unacceptable toward you, ask yourself if in any way you are rewarding their negative behavior.
For example, Helen gets upset every time Harry mentions that he wants to play golf. Rather than face a two-hour lecture he usually finds it easier to just stay home. One day, however, he gets angry and accuses her of being a nag who never understands him. Instead of answering back, Helen gets her feelings hurt, stomps off and gives him the silent treatment. Harry takes advantage of her cold shoulder and plays a few holes of golf!
Jennifer wins the same reward at her new school. Few of the kids would talk to her and some were even making fun of her. She asked to stay in during recess, but the teacher said no. Eventually she gets into a fight and pushes another girl down. The teacher tells Jennifer that fighting is against the rules and she will have to stay inside. What did Jennifer learn? Ask the teacher respectfully and you will not get what you want. Push someone and you can avoid recess!
We have three choices each time we respond to another person: 1. Be positive; 2. Be negative; and 3. Avoid or ignore them. Difficult people see avoidance as a positive response. When we ignore unacceptable, inappropriate behavior, it will usually happen again because our avoidance tells the difficult person that we are willing to accept their behavior.
What Do They Really Want?
Difficult people want to do their own thing, in their own time, in their own way, without interference. In addition, they expect everyone around them to cooperate—even work extra hard—to ensure that this happens. And they do not see anything unreasonable about these expectations. There is little in their experience to signal them that their actions are inappropriate. They also have little (if any) desire or motivation to change their habits.
What Can I Do About It?
We learn a lot from difficult people. We tolerate their behavior and attitudes as “part of life.” We hold back our feelings and swallow our words. We make concessions even when we do not receive anything in return. We compromise even when it is 90/10 instead of 50/50. We may even question our own ability to relate and communicate with others reasoning that “Maybe it’s me.”
Since we cannot change difficult people, we can only change our selves and our reactions to their behavior. They need our cooperation and our permission to intimidate, control and repeatedly manipulate us to get their way. In most relationships, we are treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
The good news is that because we are partly responsible, there is something we can do to create and maintain relationships where we are treated respectfully. That’s great news! By focusing on ourselves and the changes we can make in our own behaviors and reactions, we can begin to take control of how other people treat us—today!
Take Action!
Think about two difficult people in your life.
Identify the behaviors of these difficult people.
Ask yourself if you could possibly be rewarding these difficult people.
Would they describe you as the difficult person? If so, what would they say?
What’s not okay is to give up something you need, want or deserve because of their rude, obnoxious, sullen and apathetic habits. Yes, I do mean “habits.” If you’re tired of playing their game, take charge of your life by taking a good look at yourself! You cannot change them, but you can change what you do and how you act around them—and ultimately how they affect your life.
The Good News... and the Bad News
Difficult people have been trained and taught to act the way they do since they were children. In fact, they have been rewarded for their negative behavior throughout their entire lives. Difficult behavior worked for them as children—and more importantly, it continues to work for them as adults.
I believe that most of us are born with the capacity and desire to love and be loved. As we grow, we learn to respond to verbal and visual cues and we begin to adjust our behavior to obtain the positive responses we want. Children who can manipulate their parents soon learn to enjoy feelings of power and control over others.
The game of life is basically about “getting our needs met.” And you certainly do play a part! We reward difficult people by giving in to their needs. Think about it. If someone’s behavior is consistently inappropriate or unacceptable toward you, ask yourself if in any way you are rewarding their negative behavior.
For example, Helen gets upset every time Harry mentions that he wants to play golf. Rather than face a two-hour lecture he usually finds it easier to just stay home. One day, however, he gets angry and accuses her of being a nag who never understands him. Instead of answering back, Helen gets her feelings hurt, stomps off and gives him the silent treatment. Harry takes advantage of her cold shoulder and plays a few holes of golf!
Jennifer wins the same reward at her new school. Few of the kids would talk to her and some were even making fun of her. She asked to stay in during recess, but the teacher said no. Eventually she gets into a fight and pushes another girl down. The teacher tells Jennifer that fighting is against the rules and she will have to stay inside. What did Jennifer learn? Ask the teacher respectfully and you will not get what you want. Push someone and you can avoid recess!
We have three choices each time we respond to another person: 1. Be positive; 2. Be negative; and 3. Avoid or ignore them. Difficult people see avoidance as a positive response. When we ignore unacceptable, inappropriate behavior, it will usually happen again because our avoidance tells the difficult person that we are willing to accept their behavior.
What Do They Really Want?
Difficult people want to do their own thing, in their own time, in their own way, without interference. In addition, they expect everyone around them to cooperate—even work extra hard—to ensure that this happens. And they do not see anything unreasonable about these expectations. There is little in their experience to signal them that their actions are inappropriate. They also have little (if any) desire or motivation to change their habits.
What Can I Do About It?
We learn a lot from difficult people. We tolerate their behavior and attitudes as “part of life.” We hold back our feelings and swallow our words. We make concessions even when we do not receive anything in return. We compromise even when it is 90/10 instead of 50/50. We may even question our own ability to relate and communicate with others reasoning that “Maybe it’s me.”
Since we cannot change difficult people, we can only change our selves and our reactions to their behavior. They need our cooperation and our permission to intimidate, control and repeatedly manipulate us to get their way. In most relationships, we are treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
The good news is that because we are partly responsible, there is something we can do to create and maintain relationships where we are treated respectfully. That’s great news! By focusing on ourselves and the changes we can make in our own behaviors and reactions, we can begin to take control of how other people treat us—today!
Take Action!
Think about two difficult people in your life.
Identify the behaviors of these difficult people.
Ask yourself if you could possibly be rewarding these difficult people.
Would they describe you as the difficult person? If so, what would they say?
Life Would Be Easy... If It Weren't for DIFFICULT People
Go on, it’s okay. Admit it! We all know that life would be a whole lot easier if we didn’t have to deal with those few (or many) difficult people we just can’t seem to avoid. I think you know who I’m talking about.
What’s not okay is to give up something you need, want or deserve because of their rude, obnoxious, sullen and apathetic habits. Yes, I do mean “habits.” If you’re tired of playing their game, take charge of your life by taking a good look at yourself! You cannot change them, but you can change what you do and how you act around them—and ultimately how they affect your life.
The Good News... and the Bad News
Difficult people have been trained and taught to act the way they do since they were children. In fact, they have been rewarded for their negative behavior throughout their entire lives. Difficult behavior worked for them as children—and more importantly, it continues to work for them as adults.
I believe that most of us are born with the capacity and desire to love and be loved. As we grow, we learn to respond to verbal and visual cues and we begin to adjust our behavior to obtain the positive responses we want. Children who can manipulate their parents soon learn to enjoy feelings of power and control over others.
The game of life is basically about “getting our needs met.” And you certainly do play a part! We reward difficult people by giving in to their needs. Think about it. If someone’s behavior is consistently inappropriate or unacceptable toward you, ask yourself if in any way you are rewarding their negative behavior.
For example, Helen gets upset every time Harry mentions that he wants to play golf. Rather than face a two-hour lecture he usually finds it easier to just stay home. One day, however, he gets angry and accuses her of being a nag who never understands him. Instead of answering back, Helen gets her feelings hurt, stomps off and gives him the silent treatment. Harry takes advantage of her cold shoulder and plays a few holes of golf!
Jennifer wins the same reward at her new school. Few of the kids would talk to her and some were even making fun of her. She asked to stay in during recess, but the teacher said no. Eventually she gets into a fight and pushes another girl down. The teacher tells Jennifer that fighting is against the rules and she will have to stay inside. What did Jennifer learn? Ask the teacher respectfully and you will not get what you want. Push someone and you can avoid recess!
We have three choices each time we respond to another person: 1. Be positive; 2. Be negative; and 3. Avoid or ignore them. Difficult people see avoidance as a positive response. When we ignore unacceptable, inappropriate behavior, it will usually happen again because our avoidance tells the difficult person that we are willing to accept their behavior.
What Do They Really Want?
Difficult people want to do their own thing, in their own time, in their own way, without interference. In addition, they expect everyone around them to cooperate—even work extra hard—to ensure that this happens. And they do not see anything unreasonable about these expectations. There is little in their experience to signal them that their actions are inappropriate. They also have little (if any) desire or motivation to change their habits.
What Can I Do About It?
We learn a lot from difficult people. We tolerate their behavior and attitudes as “part of life.” We hold back our feelings and swallow our words. We make concessions even when we do not receive anything in return. We compromise even when it is 90/10 instead of 50/50. We may even question our own ability to relate and communicate with others reasoning that “Maybe it’s me.”
Since we cannot change difficult people, we can only change our selves and our reactions to their behavior. They need our cooperation and our permission to intimidate, control and repeatedly manipulate us to get their way. In most relationships, we are treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
The good news is that because we are partly responsible, there is something we can do to create and maintain relationships where we are treated respectfully. That’s great news! By focusing on ourselves and the changes we can make in our own behaviors and reactions, we can begin to take control of how other people treat us—today!
Take Action!
Think about two difficult people in your life.
Identify the behaviors of these difficult people.
Ask yourself if you could possibly be rewarding these difficult people.
Would they describe you as the difficult person? If so, what would they say?
What’s not okay is to give up something you need, want or deserve because of their rude, obnoxious, sullen and apathetic habits. Yes, I do mean “habits.” If you’re tired of playing their game, take charge of your life by taking a good look at yourself! You cannot change them, but you can change what you do and how you act around them—and ultimately how they affect your life.
The Good News... and the Bad News
Difficult people have been trained and taught to act the way they do since they were children. In fact, they have been rewarded for their negative behavior throughout their entire lives. Difficult behavior worked for them as children—and more importantly, it continues to work for them as adults.
I believe that most of us are born with the capacity and desire to love and be loved. As we grow, we learn to respond to verbal and visual cues and we begin to adjust our behavior to obtain the positive responses we want. Children who can manipulate their parents soon learn to enjoy feelings of power and control over others.
The game of life is basically about “getting our needs met.” And you certainly do play a part! We reward difficult people by giving in to their needs. Think about it. If someone’s behavior is consistently inappropriate or unacceptable toward you, ask yourself if in any way you are rewarding their negative behavior.
For example, Helen gets upset every time Harry mentions that he wants to play golf. Rather than face a two-hour lecture he usually finds it easier to just stay home. One day, however, he gets angry and accuses her of being a nag who never understands him. Instead of answering back, Helen gets her feelings hurt, stomps off and gives him the silent treatment. Harry takes advantage of her cold shoulder and plays a few holes of golf!
Jennifer wins the same reward at her new school. Few of the kids would talk to her and some were even making fun of her. She asked to stay in during recess, but the teacher said no. Eventually she gets into a fight and pushes another girl down. The teacher tells Jennifer that fighting is against the rules and she will have to stay inside. What did Jennifer learn? Ask the teacher respectfully and you will not get what you want. Push someone and you can avoid recess!
We have three choices each time we respond to another person: 1. Be positive; 2. Be negative; and 3. Avoid or ignore them. Difficult people see avoidance as a positive response. When we ignore unacceptable, inappropriate behavior, it will usually happen again because our avoidance tells the difficult person that we are willing to accept their behavior.
What Do They Really Want?
Difficult people want to do their own thing, in their own time, in their own way, without interference. In addition, they expect everyone around them to cooperate—even work extra hard—to ensure that this happens. And they do not see anything unreasonable about these expectations. There is little in their experience to signal them that their actions are inappropriate. They also have little (if any) desire or motivation to change their habits.
What Can I Do About It?
We learn a lot from difficult people. We tolerate their behavior and attitudes as “part of life.” We hold back our feelings and swallow our words. We make concessions even when we do not receive anything in return. We compromise even when it is 90/10 instead of 50/50. We may even question our own ability to relate and communicate with others reasoning that “Maybe it’s me.”
Since we cannot change difficult people, we can only change our selves and our reactions to their behavior. They need our cooperation and our permission to intimidate, control and repeatedly manipulate us to get their way. In most relationships, we are treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
The good news is that because we are partly responsible, there is something we can do to create and maintain relationships where we are treated respectfully. That’s great news! By focusing on ourselves and the changes we can make in our own behaviors and reactions, we can begin to take control of how other people treat us—today!
Take Action!
Think about two difficult people in your life.
Identify the behaviors of these difficult people.
Ask yourself if you could possibly be rewarding these difficult people.
Would they describe you as the difficult person? If so, what would they say?
Avoid Complaining
Change the Way You Think
As soon as the complainer was out of the store, my grandmother would call me to stand in front of her. And then she would say the same thing she had said at least a thousand times, it seemed to me. “Sister, did you hear what Brother So-and-So or Sister Much-to-Do complained about?” And I would nod. Mamma would continue, “Sister, there are people who went to sleep all over the world last night, poor and rich and white and black, but they will never wake again. And those dead folks would give anything, anything at all for just five minutes of this weather that person was grumbling about. So you watch yourself about complaining, Sister. What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.”
It is said that persons have few teachable moments in their lives. Mamma seemed to have caught me at each one I had. Whining is not only graceless, but can be dangerous. It can alert a brute that a victim is in the neighborhood.
As soon as the complainer was out of the store, my grandmother would call me to stand in front of her. And then she would say the same thing she had said at least a thousand times, it seemed to me. “Sister, did you hear what Brother So-and-So or Sister Much-to-Do complained about?” And I would nod. Mamma would continue, “Sister, there are people who went to sleep all over the world last night, poor and rich and white and black, but they will never wake again. And those dead folks would give anything, anything at all for just five minutes of this weather that person was grumbling about. So you watch yourself about complaining, Sister. What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.”
It is said that persons have few teachable moments in their lives. Mamma seemed to have caught me at each one I had. Whining is not only graceless, but can be dangerous. It can alert a brute that a victim is in the neighborhood.
Change Begins With Choice
Any day we wish; we can discipline ourselves to make important changes in our lives. Any day we wish; we can open the book that will open our mind to new knowledge. Any day we wish; we can start a new activity. Any day we wish; we can start the process of life change. We can do it immediately, or next week, or next month, or next year.
We can also do nothing. We can pretend rather than perform. And if the idea of having to change ourselves makes us uncomfortable, we can remain as we are. We can choose rest over labor, entertainment over education, delusion over truth, and doubt over confidence. The choices are ours to make. But while we curse the effect, we continue to nourish the cause.
As Shakespeare uniquely observed, ""The fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves."" We created our circumstances by our past choices. We have both the ability and the responsibility to make better choices beginning today. Those who are in search of the good life do not need more answers or more time to think things over to reach better conclusions. They need the truth.
They need the whole truth. And they need nothing but the truth. We cannot allow our errors in judgment, repeated every day, to lead us down the wrong path. We must keep coming back to those basics that make the biggest difference in how our life works out. And then we must make the very choices that will bring life, happiness and joy into our daily lives.
And if I may be so bold to offer my last piece of advice for someone seeking and needing to make changes in their life - If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree. You have the ability to totally transform every area in your life - and it all begins with your very own power of choice.
We can also do nothing. We can pretend rather than perform. And if the idea of having to change ourselves makes us uncomfortable, we can remain as we are. We can choose rest over labor, entertainment over education, delusion over truth, and doubt over confidence. The choices are ours to make. But while we curse the effect, we continue to nourish the cause.
As Shakespeare uniquely observed, ""The fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves."" We created our circumstances by our past choices. We have both the ability and the responsibility to make better choices beginning today. Those who are in search of the good life do not need more answers or more time to think things over to reach better conclusions. They need the truth.
They need the whole truth. And they need nothing but the truth. We cannot allow our errors in judgment, repeated every day, to lead us down the wrong path. We must keep coming back to those basics that make the biggest difference in how our life works out. And then we must make the very choices that will bring life, happiness and joy into our daily lives.
And if I may be so bold to offer my last piece of advice for someone seeking and needing to make changes in their life - If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree. You have the ability to totally transform every area in your life - and it all begins with your very own power of choice.
Concentrate on Personal Success
The next time you watch a baseball game, notice how intently the pitcher stares at the catcher before delivering the pitch. Or, when you are at a concert or watching one on television, observe how the performers glue their eyes on the conductor to ensure starting right together. The pitcher and the musicians are using concentration to do exactly what is needed to perform their best. Concentration is one of the keys to success; it is an absolute essential to high performance.
Intense concentration improves your performance and releases the power of your mental potential, no matter what you are doing. Just as you use only a small fraction of your physical abilities, you habitually make use of only a small portion of your brain capacity. You can be reasonably successful when you use only a fraction of your ability, but you can perform even better if you concentrate and tap some of your unused power.
Everyone can improve concentration. Even though concentration begins with a simple decision to concentrate, it takes practice and it may not be easy at first. Take these steps to improve your ability to focus your mental powers and concentrate:
Relax. When you are nervous, worried, or "keyed up," your body cannot perform at its best. Before you begin any important activity, take deep rhythmic breaths until your body is relaxed. Explore other methods of relaxation to discover what works best for you.
Try this concentration exercise. Picture in your mind a blackboard in a classroom with a single number written on it. Concentrate on this number for a while, then imagine beside it another digit, and then add a third. Continue adding digits until you are no longer able to hold together the picture of the new largest number. A book from your local library can give you further suggested exercises for improving your power of concentration.
Learn how to tune out distracting influences. Practice the art of ignoring distracting noises and sights. To begin, try to tune out television commercials, street noises, and other distractions. The ability to eliminate distractions will prove valuable to you when you must perform at your best.
Make concentration a habit. Discipline your mind when you are doing important work. Concentrating on everything you do makes it easier to focus your thoughts on reaching your important goals. Concentration can boost your performance to levels higher than you ever thought possible!
Intense concentration improves your performance and releases the power of your mental potential, no matter what you are doing. Just as you use only a small fraction of your physical abilities, you habitually make use of only a small portion of your brain capacity. You can be reasonably successful when you use only a fraction of your ability, but you can perform even better if you concentrate and tap some of your unused power.
Everyone can improve concentration. Even though concentration begins with a simple decision to concentrate, it takes practice and it may not be easy at first. Take these steps to improve your ability to focus your mental powers and concentrate:
Relax. When you are nervous, worried, or "keyed up," your body cannot perform at its best. Before you begin any important activity, take deep rhythmic breaths until your body is relaxed. Explore other methods of relaxation to discover what works best for you.
Try this concentration exercise. Picture in your mind a blackboard in a classroom with a single number written on it. Concentrate on this number for a while, then imagine beside it another digit, and then add a third. Continue adding digits until you are no longer able to hold together the picture of the new largest number. A book from your local library can give you further suggested exercises for improving your power of concentration.
Learn how to tune out distracting influences. Practice the art of ignoring distracting noises and sights. To begin, try to tune out television commercials, street noises, and other distractions. The ability to eliminate distractions will prove valuable to you when you must perform at your best.
Make concentration a habit. Discipline your mind when you are doing important work. Concentrating on everything you do makes it easier to focus your thoughts on reaching your important goals. Concentration can boost your performance to levels higher than you ever thought possible!
Making the Choice Not to Worry
More damage is done by worrying than by what is being worried about. This is because 90 percent of all worries never come to pass. Over the years, I have made it a deliberate point not to worry. If something happens at work or at home that would constitute a worry, I have learned to address the potential worry and say, "I'm going to wait to worry." Then when I objectively and realistically address the issue, the "obvious" need for worrying goes away.
For me to enjoy life, remain healthy, and be full of peace, worry cannot be part of my daily routine. I've seen its disastrous effects on the lives of people and their children. Here are a few of the side effects of worrying:
Self-doubt - It is a downward spiral that focuses on the negative and why things cannot be done versus why things can be done. It is a sinkhole, a debilitating attitude, and a terrible habit.
Mediocrity - Capable people who worry are rendered incapable of accomplishing their intended goal. Worry makes you peck around on the ground like a chicken when you were intended to soar like an eagle.
Fright - People who worry are not being cautious or thinking things over; they are simply scared. Running scared is the enemy of success, peace, contentment, happiness, joy, and laughter.
No spark - The excitement is gone. Worry lets the air out of all you do, draining the fun and excitement from everything.
No creativity - The freedom to be creative is squelched by worry. You simply cannot excel to your full potential when worry controls your thoughts.
Improper shaping - You are molded and shaped by your thinking, and worries should not shape your future.
Hazy results - Those who worry are second-guessing themselves, which produces a hesitancy that brings with it an unclear focus. Such a hazy goal will produce a hazy result.
Bad habits - Worrying is a habit, the result of preconditioning and years of practice. The destructive habit of worrying turns people into prisoners.
Physical ailments - The body reacts adversely to internal worries. John Edmund Haggai insightfully stated, "A distraught mind inevitably leads to a deteriorated body."
Wasted time - Over 90 percent of what you worry about never comes to pass. To worry is to waste time; therefore, the more you worry, the less you accomplish.
Make the decision for yourself to live life worry-free. It is not only possible, but it is also very enjoyable!
For me to enjoy life, remain healthy, and be full of peace, worry cannot be part of my daily routine. I've seen its disastrous effects on the lives of people and their children. Here are a few of the side effects of worrying:
Self-doubt - It is a downward spiral that focuses on the negative and why things cannot be done versus why things can be done. It is a sinkhole, a debilitating attitude, and a terrible habit.
Mediocrity - Capable people who worry are rendered incapable of accomplishing their intended goal. Worry makes you peck around on the ground like a chicken when you were intended to soar like an eagle.
Fright - People who worry are not being cautious or thinking things over; they are simply scared. Running scared is the enemy of success, peace, contentment, happiness, joy, and laughter.
No spark - The excitement is gone. Worry lets the air out of all you do, draining the fun and excitement from everything.
No creativity - The freedom to be creative is squelched by worry. You simply cannot excel to your full potential when worry controls your thoughts.
Improper shaping - You are molded and shaped by your thinking, and worries should not shape your future.
Hazy results - Those who worry are second-guessing themselves, which produces a hesitancy that brings with it an unclear focus. Such a hazy goal will produce a hazy result.
Bad habits - Worrying is a habit, the result of preconditioning and years of practice. The destructive habit of worrying turns people into prisoners.
Physical ailments - The body reacts adversely to internal worries. John Edmund Haggai insightfully stated, "A distraught mind inevitably leads to a deteriorated body."
Wasted time - Over 90 percent of what you worry about never comes to pass. To worry is to waste time; therefore, the more you worry, the less you accomplish.
Make the decision for yourself to live life worry-free. It is not only possible, but it is also very enjoyable!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Ten Life Laws
Life laws are the rules of the game. You can either ignore them and stumble—wondering why you never succeed—or learn them, adapt to them, mold your choices and behavior to them, and live effectively.
Law #1: You either get it, or you don’t.
Learn why you do what you do, and don’t do what you don’t do. If you don’t get it, you will often be found beating your head against the wall and complaining that you never get a break. Those who get it make fewer foolish mistakes because they figure out the formula for success—they acquire the knowledge and experience they need to create the results they want.
The “it” that you need to get may change from time to time, but there will be some common elements. The “it” whose code you need to break may be in relationships, self-management, or career competition. You may need to come to grips with your emotional life. Whatever “it” is, once you see how things really work, you function from a position of strength.
Law #2: You create your own experience.
You need to accept accountability for your life and your role in creating the results that are your life. You are accountable for your life. Good or bad, successful or unsuccessful, happy or sad, fair or unfair, you own your life. You create the results in your life, all of the time. If you don’t like your job, you are accountable. If your relationships are on the rocks, you are accountable. If you are not happy, you are accountable. Whatever your life circumstance, you can no longer dodge responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is.
If you don’t accept accountability, you will misdiagnose and mistreat every problem you have. And things won’t get better. By convincing yourself that you are a victim, you guarantee no progress, no healing, and no victory. Your irresponsibility prevents you from making progress to improve your life.
Law #3: People do what works.
Identify the payoffs that drive your behavior. There may have been thousands of times that you have said or done foolish things, only to shake your head in frustration and disbelief. You may say to yourself, “What is wrong with me? Why do I keep doing that? I hate that, and I hate myself when I do it, so why do I do it?”
Good questions. The answer is that you do those things because at some level, they work. At some level, you perceive that these unwanted behaviors serve a purpose. The behavior you choose creates the results you get. You can start behaving in the positive ways necessary to have what you want—or stop behaving in ways that interfere with your having what you want. You cannot eliminate your negative behavior without understanding why you do it to begin with.
Law #4: You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.
You need to get real with yourself about your life and everybody in it. Be truthful about what isn’t working in your life. If you’re unwilling to acknowledge a thought, circumstance, problem, condition, behavior, or emotion—if you won’t take ownership of your role in a situation—then you cannot and will not change it. If you refuse to acknowledge your own self-destructive behaviors, not only will they continue, they will gain momentum, become more entrenched in the habitual patterns of your life.
You can lie to yourself in two ways: You can affirmatively misrepresent the truth, or you can lie to yourself by omission. Failing to tell yourself what is, is just as dangerous as misrepresenting what is. So you need to ask yourself the hard questions and to give yourself realistic answers.
Law #5: Life rewards action.
Make careful decisions and then pull the trigger. The world couldn’t care less about thoughts without actions. The responses and results that you receive from anyone, in any situation, are triggered by your behaviors. This is the only way people can get to know you, and decide whether to reward or punish you. When you choose the behavior (the action), you choose the consequences. The better the choices, the better the results; the better the behavior, the better the results. But the bottom line is that if you do nothing, you get neither. Life rewards action.
People don’t care about your intentions. They care about what you do. What determines the script of your life is what you do. In a society of “victims,” you may respond: “It’s not my fault. It’s not my job.” I’ve got news for you: You are your job.
Law #6: There is no reality, only perception.
Identify the filters through which you view the world. This law determines whether or not you are happy, satisfied, and at peace. Whatever meaning or value a circumstance has for you will be the meaning or value that you give it. To appreciate how this law works, you need to understand the difference between sensation and perception. When light waves are received by your eyes or sound waves by your ears, that is sensation: stimuli being received by your sense organs. Perception is interpreting those sensations, assigning meaning to them.
A husband and wife, looking at the same situation, can come up with totally different versions of what it means. This “incongruency of perceptions” can lead to frustration, confusion, and disharmony. There’s nothing to be gained by asking who is right and wrong. There is no reality, only perception. How you view the event is what determines its meaning to you. When it comes to how you see things, you have a choice.
Law #7: Life is managed; it is not cured.
Learn to take charge of your life and hold on. Never are you without problems or challenges. Life has to be managed. If you accept this, you are less likely to label every problem as a crisis or to conclude that you’re not handling your life successfully. Success is a moving target, and your life must be actively managed. How well your life is working five years from now will be a function of how well you actively manage yourself from now until then. As a life manager, your objective is to manage your life in a way that generates high-quality results. You may not be the only client you have, particularly if your family includes children or people who act like children. But you are your most important client. To give something in your roles, as spouse or parent, you must take care of yourself.
Law #8: We teach people how to treat us.
Own, rather than complain about, how people treat you. Learn to renegotiate your relationships to have what you want. You shape the behavior of those with whom you interact. How you interpret and react to another’s behavior determines whether or not they are likely to repeat it. You actively participate in defining your relationships.
People treat you the way they do because you have taught them, based on results, which behavior gets a payoff. Results (not intentions) influence the people with whom you interact. If the people in your life treat you in an undesirable way, you’ll want to figure out what you are doing to reinforce, elicit, or allow that treatment.
Law #9: There is power in forgiveness.
Open your eyes to what anger and resentment are doing to you. Take your power back from those who have hurt you. Hate, anger, and resentment are among the most powerful and self-destructive emotions. To carry and feel hatred changes who you are. For every thought and feeling, there is a physiological reaction, and these reactions are evident whenever you are feeling these powerful negative emotions. Hatred, anger, and resentment are incompatible with your peace, joy, and relaxation. This means that those who love you don’t get you—they get the bitter shell of who you once were. Your task is to undo the chains of hatred and anger so that you do not take those emotions with you into these other relationships. Break these bonds and cleanse your heart and mind of the poison. You do not have to be angry just because you have the right to be.
Law #10: You have to name it to claim it.
Get clear about what you want. If you cannot name, with great specificity, what it is that you want, then you can’t step up and claim it. Indecision creates inaction, and inaction leads to results that you do not want. The need for specificity applies to every goal you set. You need to know so much about what you want that whenever you are heading toward it, you know it, you feel it, and you sense it. When you know your goals, you will recognize which behaviors and choices support them.
Excellence in Action: Obey these laws of life.
Law #1: You either get it, or you don’t.
Learn why you do what you do, and don’t do what you don’t do. If you don’t get it, you will often be found beating your head against the wall and complaining that you never get a break. Those who get it make fewer foolish mistakes because they figure out the formula for success—they acquire the knowledge and experience they need to create the results they want.
The “it” that you need to get may change from time to time, but there will be some common elements. The “it” whose code you need to break may be in relationships, self-management, or career competition. You may need to come to grips with your emotional life. Whatever “it” is, once you see how things really work, you function from a position of strength.
Law #2: You create your own experience.
You need to accept accountability for your life and your role in creating the results that are your life. You are accountable for your life. Good or bad, successful or unsuccessful, happy or sad, fair or unfair, you own your life. You create the results in your life, all of the time. If you don’t like your job, you are accountable. If your relationships are on the rocks, you are accountable. If you are not happy, you are accountable. Whatever your life circumstance, you can no longer dodge responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is.
If you don’t accept accountability, you will misdiagnose and mistreat every problem you have. And things won’t get better. By convincing yourself that you are a victim, you guarantee no progress, no healing, and no victory. Your irresponsibility prevents you from making progress to improve your life.
Law #3: People do what works.
Identify the payoffs that drive your behavior. There may have been thousands of times that you have said or done foolish things, only to shake your head in frustration and disbelief. You may say to yourself, “What is wrong with me? Why do I keep doing that? I hate that, and I hate myself when I do it, so why do I do it?”
Good questions. The answer is that you do those things because at some level, they work. At some level, you perceive that these unwanted behaviors serve a purpose. The behavior you choose creates the results you get. You can start behaving in the positive ways necessary to have what you want—or stop behaving in ways that interfere with your having what you want. You cannot eliminate your negative behavior without understanding why you do it to begin with.
Law #4: You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.
You need to get real with yourself about your life and everybody in it. Be truthful about what isn’t working in your life. If you’re unwilling to acknowledge a thought, circumstance, problem, condition, behavior, or emotion—if you won’t take ownership of your role in a situation—then you cannot and will not change it. If you refuse to acknowledge your own self-destructive behaviors, not only will they continue, they will gain momentum, become more entrenched in the habitual patterns of your life.
You can lie to yourself in two ways: You can affirmatively misrepresent the truth, or you can lie to yourself by omission. Failing to tell yourself what is, is just as dangerous as misrepresenting what is. So you need to ask yourself the hard questions and to give yourself realistic answers.
Law #5: Life rewards action.
Make careful decisions and then pull the trigger. The world couldn’t care less about thoughts without actions. The responses and results that you receive from anyone, in any situation, are triggered by your behaviors. This is the only way people can get to know you, and decide whether to reward or punish you. When you choose the behavior (the action), you choose the consequences. The better the choices, the better the results; the better the behavior, the better the results. But the bottom line is that if you do nothing, you get neither. Life rewards action.
People don’t care about your intentions. They care about what you do. What determines the script of your life is what you do. In a society of “victims,” you may respond: “It’s not my fault. It’s not my job.” I’ve got news for you: You are your job.
Law #6: There is no reality, only perception.
Identify the filters through which you view the world. This law determines whether or not you are happy, satisfied, and at peace. Whatever meaning or value a circumstance has for you will be the meaning or value that you give it. To appreciate how this law works, you need to understand the difference between sensation and perception. When light waves are received by your eyes or sound waves by your ears, that is sensation: stimuli being received by your sense organs. Perception is interpreting those sensations, assigning meaning to them.
A husband and wife, looking at the same situation, can come up with totally different versions of what it means. This “incongruency of perceptions” can lead to frustration, confusion, and disharmony. There’s nothing to be gained by asking who is right and wrong. There is no reality, only perception. How you view the event is what determines its meaning to you. When it comes to how you see things, you have a choice.
Law #7: Life is managed; it is not cured.
Learn to take charge of your life and hold on. Never are you without problems or challenges. Life has to be managed. If you accept this, you are less likely to label every problem as a crisis or to conclude that you’re not handling your life successfully. Success is a moving target, and your life must be actively managed. How well your life is working five years from now will be a function of how well you actively manage yourself from now until then. As a life manager, your objective is to manage your life in a way that generates high-quality results. You may not be the only client you have, particularly if your family includes children or people who act like children. But you are your most important client. To give something in your roles, as spouse or parent, you must take care of yourself.
Law #8: We teach people how to treat us.
Own, rather than complain about, how people treat you. Learn to renegotiate your relationships to have what you want. You shape the behavior of those with whom you interact. How you interpret and react to another’s behavior determines whether or not they are likely to repeat it. You actively participate in defining your relationships.
People treat you the way they do because you have taught them, based on results, which behavior gets a payoff. Results (not intentions) influence the people with whom you interact. If the people in your life treat you in an undesirable way, you’ll want to figure out what you are doing to reinforce, elicit, or allow that treatment.
Law #9: There is power in forgiveness.
Open your eyes to what anger and resentment are doing to you. Take your power back from those who have hurt you. Hate, anger, and resentment are among the most powerful and self-destructive emotions. To carry and feel hatred changes who you are. For every thought and feeling, there is a physiological reaction, and these reactions are evident whenever you are feeling these powerful negative emotions. Hatred, anger, and resentment are incompatible with your peace, joy, and relaxation. This means that those who love you don’t get you—they get the bitter shell of who you once were. Your task is to undo the chains of hatred and anger so that you do not take those emotions with you into these other relationships. Break these bonds and cleanse your heart and mind of the poison. You do not have to be angry just because you have the right to be.
Law #10: You have to name it to claim it.
Get clear about what you want. If you cannot name, with great specificity, what it is that you want, then you can’t step up and claim it. Indecision creates inaction, and inaction leads to results that you do not want. The need for specificity applies to every goal you set. You need to know so much about what you want that whenever you are heading toward it, you know it, you feel it, and you sense it. When you know your goals, you will recognize which behaviors and choices support them.
Excellence in Action: Obey these laws of life.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Positive Affirmation - Ongoing Improvement
Here's a positive affirmation you can write down and
recite to yourself whenever you need a quick burst of
inspiration...
"Today, and every day I am making a commitment to
improve in some area of my life--either personally or
professionally. Each day offers up the chance to grow,
provided I am willing to dig in and put forth the
effort to do so. The skills I develop now will pay
great dividends as I move forward in the pursuit of my
endeavors--whatever undertakings I may choose.
Greatness is a part of who I am--this I believe with
all my heart. Through a combination of belief, followed
by a commitment to action, I am heading on the right
path which will lead to my attaining my own personal
definition of success. Of this I am certain!"
A Constant Essential...
"Commit to C A N I - Constant And Never-ending
Improvement."
recite to yourself whenever you need a quick burst of
inspiration...
"Today, and every day I am making a commitment to
improve in some area of my life--either personally or
professionally. Each day offers up the chance to grow,
provided I am willing to dig in and put forth the
effort to do so. The skills I develop now will pay
great dividends as I move forward in the pursuit of my
endeavors--whatever undertakings I may choose.
Greatness is a part of who I am--this I believe with
all my heart. Through a combination of belief, followed
by a commitment to action, I am heading on the right
path which will lead to my attaining my own personal
definition of success. Of this I am certain!"
A Constant Essential...
"Commit to C A N I - Constant And Never-ending
Improvement."
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Make Smart Decisions
You may find it difficult to exercise restraint when it comes to money because three variables come together to create a disaster. One is that the credit card has become the most aggressively marketed product in our culture. Second, our culture has become increasingly impatient. Third, we have become a very market-oriented society, surrounded with more images of what we “need to have” to be happy.
Improve Your Situation
To improve your situation, you must live on a written monthly plan—a budget. If you do, you might say, “Maybe I ought to be saving something. Maybe I can’t afford a vacation to Europe this year.” There are always trade-offs. The worst financial move you can make is to assume that you have to have debt to prosper. People who prosper avoid debt.
The Internet can be an awesome tool for planning and controlling your budget. The bad thing about the Internet is that there is impulse there to grab compulsive shoppers. But now when I go shopping for a car, I’m equipped with knowledge. So, it provides me with information when I am preparing to make large purchases.
If you have the discipline to pay credit card balances each month, you must have the cash. If you pay cash, you spend less because it hurts more. When you go to dinner and lay down a $50 bill, you realize you bought dinner. When you pay with a credit card, you do not emotionally register the expense and tend to spend more. Also, most people do not pay their plastic off every month, thus incurring debt and finance charges.
Avoiding Bankruptcy
Probably 80 percent of the bankruptcies that are filed don’t have to be. People freak out, get scared, don’t know what else to do. Finally they just lose hope. To avoid or get out of bankruptcy, you have to change the habits that cause the problem. Debt is really the symptom. The problem is living without a plan. So you end up buying stuff that you can’t pay for, or having emergencies for which you have no savings.
When you declare bankruptcy, your credit report is damaged for years, and it’s psychologically and spiritually traumatic. Financial failure is only when you quit. The trick is to have the overriding character quality of not quitting and learning from it.
Excellence in Action: Establish a budget and don’t give up.
Improve Your Situation
To improve your situation, you must live on a written monthly plan—a budget. If you do, you might say, “Maybe I ought to be saving something. Maybe I can’t afford a vacation to Europe this year.” There are always trade-offs. The worst financial move you can make is to assume that you have to have debt to prosper. People who prosper avoid debt.
The Internet can be an awesome tool for planning and controlling your budget. The bad thing about the Internet is that there is impulse there to grab compulsive shoppers. But now when I go shopping for a car, I’m equipped with knowledge. So, it provides me with information when I am preparing to make large purchases.
If you have the discipline to pay credit card balances each month, you must have the cash. If you pay cash, you spend less because it hurts more. When you go to dinner and lay down a $50 bill, you realize you bought dinner. When you pay with a credit card, you do not emotionally register the expense and tend to spend more. Also, most people do not pay their plastic off every month, thus incurring debt and finance charges.
Avoiding Bankruptcy
Probably 80 percent of the bankruptcies that are filed don’t have to be. People freak out, get scared, don’t know what else to do. Finally they just lose hope. To avoid or get out of bankruptcy, you have to change the habits that cause the problem. Debt is really the symptom. The problem is living without a plan. So you end up buying stuff that you can’t pay for, or having emergencies for which you have no savings.
When you declare bankruptcy, your credit report is damaged for years, and it’s psychologically and spiritually traumatic. Financial failure is only when you quit. The trick is to have the overriding character quality of not quitting and learning from it.
Excellence in Action: Establish a budget and don’t give up.
Life's Journey
I’m fascinated by life journeys—how you get from one place to another, and how sometimes the journey brings you back home.
Journeys in life are far more random, far less orderly, than they seem at first glance. Paths that appear random, are random, especially when you are looking at them one step at a time. It’s only when you stand back and see the whole journey in perspective, the paths chosen, the paths rejected, a pattern emerges—a pattern that over time defines the journey of life.
At any moment in time you often can’t see where your path is heading, and logic and intellect alone won’t lead you to make the right choices; they won’t, in fact, take you down the right path. You have to master not only the art of listening to your head, you must also listen to your heart and gut. Look beyond the immediate choice of it all. It is too easy to freeze up at important moments.
In some ways, the world today, while far more prosperous, is actually far more complex and complicated than the one faced years ago. But have no fear, although fear is part of the journey as well, because you have all the tools you need up in your head, in your heart, and in your gut. All you really have to do is engage your heart, your gut, and your mind in every decision you make; engage your whole self, and the journey will reveal itself with the passage of time. See your life as a journey and pause at moments to see life’s patterns.
Engage Your Mind
Life teaches lessons in strange ways. The lesson I learned early in life was to love what you do, or don’t do it. Don’t make a choice of any kind, whether in career or in life, just because it pleases others or because it ranks high on someone else’s scale of achievement or even because it seems to be, perhaps even for you at the time, simply the logical thing to do at that moment on your path. Make the choice to do something because it engages your heart as well as your mind. Make the choice because it engages all of you. The freedom to choose is yours.
To make the most of that freedom, use your mind and your heart and your gut. Freedom to choose can sometimes feel like a terrible burden, but the burden is greatly lightened when you learn how to use your whole self, when you realize that you have everything you need for this journey of life. You can absorb knowledge, invent, and create.
Now, of course, for some of you, engaging all of yourself—your mind and your heart—is natural; it’s easy for you. You’ve known how to do it perhaps since birth. But for the rest of us, getting there is a process. It can take years, or decades. Some of us never get to know our whole selves, but we need to keep trying.
My own process of finding the soul to guide me brings me back once again to my parents. My mother was a stay-at-home wife and an artist, but my mother, more than anyone else, taught me about the power of aspiration and courage. She also taught me the world of dreams expressed in art, the world of things freed from the laws of everyday. And she did it with a strength and a passion that I wish could be bottled. Even when it wasn’t easy or convenient, both my mother and father were ultimately true to themselves. And I absorbed that lesson from them. Their definition of greatness was about greatness of character.
Think for a moment about all the people who have influenced you—your parents, grandparents, partners, guardians, friends—whoever has been a catalyst, whoever has had defining influence and lasting impact on your life, whether they truly know it, whether you really see it, whether you really fully feel its weight yet. Take a moment now and remember them.
Technology is only as valuable as the use to which it is put. In the end, technology is ultimately about people. And in this technology renaissance, we will witness and experience the transference of power to the people, to the masses—to the individuals who bring their own spark, their own energy to the process, technology becomes not about bits and bytes, but about the celebration of people’s minds and people’s hearts.
Become a Leader
What will it mean to be a leader in this world? How must leadership be re-invented to be commensurate with the opportunity?
Leadership is not about controlling decision-making. We don’t have time anymore to control decision-making. It’s about creating the right environment. It’s about enablement and empowerment. It is about setting guidelines, boundaries, and parameters—and then setting people free.
Leadership is not about hierarchy, title, or status; it is about having influence and mastering change. Leadership is not about bragging rights, battles, or even the accumulation of wealth; it’s about connecting and engaging at multiple levels. It’s about challenging minds and capturing hearts. Leadership in this new era is about empowering others to decide for themselves. Leadership is about empowering others to reach their full potential. Leaders can no longer view strategy and execution as abstract concepts, but must realize that both elements are ultimately about people.
Now, of course, traditional aspects of being a leader will continue to be important, like understanding the business or the institution, understanding the numbers or the assets, or pushing the right levers to bring about the right results. But the most magical and tangible ingredient in the transformed landscape is people. The greatest strategy, financial plan, or turnaround will only be temporary if it isn’t grounded in people.
There are small and large acts of leadership. And small acts of leadership can change the world as surely as large acts. Ultimately they can have as much effect on people’s lives as big ones. A mother who teaches a child inventive ways of thinking, who encourages her daughter’s professional desires, is performing a small act of leadership.
Believe in Yourself and Others
Our generation of leaders will know that everyone on this earth is born with the potential to lead. And that is a shift worth celebrating. A leader’s greatest obligation is to make possible an environment where people’s minds and hearts can be inventive, brave, human, and strong—where people can aspire to do useful and significant things.
At Hewlett-Packard we call this way of thinking, this set of behaviors, the "rules of the garage." You see, "the garage" is a special place to us—it is where we began. But these rules are about the way we compete and the way we work. And our rules are: Believe you can change the world, work quickly, keep the tools unlocked, work whenever, know when to work alone and when to work together; share tools, ideas, and trust your colleagues. No politics, no bureaucracy: These are ridiculous in a garage. The customer defines a job well done. Radical ideas are not bad ideas. Invent different ways of working. Make a contribution every day. If it doesn’t contribute, it doesn’t leave the garage. Believe that together we can do anything. Invent.
While they really are core to our culture, I believe that if you carry these rules with you on your journey, if you create an environment where people’s hearts and minds are fully engaged, where strategy is ennobling, where great aspirations are powered by the desires of people to do something worthwhile, you will touch many others.
Engage your whole self in everything you do. Leadership is not about you, but about the people who you are trying to inspire by unleashing their talents, their hopes, their aspirations. Leadership comes in small acts as well as bold strokes. Whatever is your passion, make sure people are at the heart of your endeavors.
Throughout this journey, the only limits that really matter are the ones you put on yourself. In crucial moments when you know what you need to do, but others advise against what they perceive to be a detour from your path, know yourself, trust your whole self, and don’t blink. If you do these things, when you look back, you will know that this journey was a wonderful gift and that you have made as much of this wonderful gift as you could have.
Excellence in Action: Make a list of your strongest leadership attributes and commit your whole self to some worthwhile quest.
Journeys in life are far more random, far less orderly, than they seem at first glance. Paths that appear random, are random, especially when you are looking at them one step at a time. It’s only when you stand back and see the whole journey in perspective, the paths chosen, the paths rejected, a pattern emerges—a pattern that over time defines the journey of life.
At any moment in time you often can’t see where your path is heading, and logic and intellect alone won’t lead you to make the right choices; they won’t, in fact, take you down the right path. You have to master not only the art of listening to your head, you must also listen to your heart and gut. Look beyond the immediate choice of it all. It is too easy to freeze up at important moments.
In some ways, the world today, while far more prosperous, is actually far more complex and complicated than the one faced years ago. But have no fear, although fear is part of the journey as well, because you have all the tools you need up in your head, in your heart, and in your gut. All you really have to do is engage your heart, your gut, and your mind in every decision you make; engage your whole self, and the journey will reveal itself with the passage of time. See your life as a journey and pause at moments to see life’s patterns.
Engage Your Mind
Life teaches lessons in strange ways. The lesson I learned early in life was to love what you do, or don’t do it. Don’t make a choice of any kind, whether in career or in life, just because it pleases others or because it ranks high on someone else’s scale of achievement or even because it seems to be, perhaps even for you at the time, simply the logical thing to do at that moment on your path. Make the choice to do something because it engages your heart as well as your mind. Make the choice because it engages all of you. The freedom to choose is yours.
To make the most of that freedom, use your mind and your heart and your gut. Freedom to choose can sometimes feel like a terrible burden, but the burden is greatly lightened when you learn how to use your whole self, when you realize that you have everything you need for this journey of life. You can absorb knowledge, invent, and create.
Now, of course, for some of you, engaging all of yourself—your mind and your heart—is natural; it’s easy for you. You’ve known how to do it perhaps since birth. But for the rest of us, getting there is a process. It can take years, or decades. Some of us never get to know our whole selves, but we need to keep trying.
My own process of finding the soul to guide me brings me back once again to my parents. My mother was a stay-at-home wife and an artist, but my mother, more than anyone else, taught me about the power of aspiration and courage. She also taught me the world of dreams expressed in art, the world of things freed from the laws of everyday. And she did it with a strength and a passion that I wish could be bottled. Even when it wasn’t easy or convenient, both my mother and father were ultimately true to themselves. And I absorbed that lesson from them. Their definition of greatness was about greatness of character.
Think for a moment about all the people who have influenced you—your parents, grandparents, partners, guardians, friends—whoever has been a catalyst, whoever has had defining influence and lasting impact on your life, whether they truly know it, whether you really see it, whether you really fully feel its weight yet. Take a moment now and remember them.
Technology is only as valuable as the use to which it is put. In the end, technology is ultimately about people. And in this technology renaissance, we will witness and experience the transference of power to the people, to the masses—to the individuals who bring their own spark, their own energy to the process, technology becomes not about bits and bytes, but about the celebration of people’s minds and people’s hearts.
Become a Leader
What will it mean to be a leader in this world? How must leadership be re-invented to be commensurate with the opportunity?
Leadership is not about controlling decision-making. We don’t have time anymore to control decision-making. It’s about creating the right environment. It’s about enablement and empowerment. It is about setting guidelines, boundaries, and parameters—and then setting people free.
Leadership is not about hierarchy, title, or status; it is about having influence and mastering change. Leadership is not about bragging rights, battles, or even the accumulation of wealth; it’s about connecting and engaging at multiple levels. It’s about challenging minds and capturing hearts. Leadership in this new era is about empowering others to decide for themselves. Leadership is about empowering others to reach their full potential. Leaders can no longer view strategy and execution as abstract concepts, but must realize that both elements are ultimately about people.
Now, of course, traditional aspects of being a leader will continue to be important, like understanding the business or the institution, understanding the numbers or the assets, or pushing the right levers to bring about the right results. But the most magical and tangible ingredient in the transformed landscape is people. The greatest strategy, financial plan, or turnaround will only be temporary if it isn’t grounded in people.
There are small and large acts of leadership. And small acts of leadership can change the world as surely as large acts. Ultimately they can have as much effect on people’s lives as big ones. A mother who teaches a child inventive ways of thinking, who encourages her daughter’s professional desires, is performing a small act of leadership.
Believe in Yourself and Others
Our generation of leaders will know that everyone on this earth is born with the potential to lead. And that is a shift worth celebrating. A leader’s greatest obligation is to make possible an environment where people’s minds and hearts can be inventive, brave, human, and strong—where people can aspire to do useful and significant things.
At Hewlett-Packard we call this way of thinking, this set of behaviors, the "rules of the garage." You see, "the garage" is a special place to us—it is where we began. But these rules are about the way we compete and the way we work. And our rules are: Believe you can change the world, work quickly, keep the tools unlocked, work whenever, know when to work alone and when to work together; share tools, ideas, and trust your colleagues. No politics, no bureaucracy: These are ridiculous in a garage. The customer defines a job well done. Radical ideas are not bad ideas. Invent different ways of working. Make a contribution every day. If it doesn’t contribute, it doesn’t leave the garage. Believe that together we can do anything. Invent.
While they really are core to our culture, I believe that if you carry these rules with you on your journey, if you create an environment where people’s hearts and minds are fully engaged, where strategy is ennobling, where great aspirations are powered by the desires of people to do something worthwhile, you will touch many others.
Engage your whole self in everything you do. Leadership is not about you, but about the people who you are trying to inspire by unleashing their talents, their hopes, their aspirations. Leadership comes in small acts as well as bold strokes. Whatever is your passion, make sure people are at the heart of your endeavors.
Throughout this journey, the only limits that really matter are the ones you put on yourself. In crucial moments when you know what you need to do, but others advise against what they perceive to be a detour from your path, know yourself, trust your whole self, and don’t blink. If you do these things, when you look back, you will know that this journey was a wonderful gift and that you have made as much of this wonderful gift as you could have.
Excellence in Action: Make a list of your strongest leadership attributes and commit your whole self to some worthwhile quest.
4 Tips to Becoming More Productive
4 Tips to Becoming More Productive
1. Create a trusted system
Your system should be a clear and organized inventory of your commitments. Remember it has to work for you.
2. It's you not your time.
Understand effective time management is really self-management. Your goals need to show up on your radar in a useful way. Define and review projects as you move toward the goal line.
3. What's next?
Ask yourself, what’s the next action I should take? Repeatedly asking this question can help your prioritize what’s important and keep you moving forward.
4. When you think it, ink it.
Define actionable items into outcomes and concrete steps.
1 Tip to Change Your Life
Change your thoughts
The thoughts, images and words you replay in your mind everyday are directly related to your happiness and achievements. What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve. Replace negative thoughts with a positive affirmation. Expect success.
3 Ways to Establish Your Life Vision
1. Start Dreaming and get going.
Create a snapshot of your ideal life with a bulleted list. A life plan will give you a clear direction and help you develop a strategy for getting there.
2. What are you good at?
List your skills and abilities you can build upon to attain your ideal life and then prioritize the development of those skills.
3. Keep your why in front of your eye.
Revisit your life plan frequently and keep it in plain view. Your life plan will remind you of what you want, what’s important and what to do next.
1. Create a trusted system
Your system should be a clear and organized inventory of your commitments. Remember it has to work for you.
2. It's you not your time.
Understand effective time management is really self-management. Your goals need to show up on your radar in a useful way. Define and review projects as you move toward the goal line.
3. What's next?
Ask yourself, what’s the next action I should take? Repeatedly asking this question can help your prioritize what’s important and keep you moving forward.
4. When you think it, ink it.
Define actionable items into outcomes and concrete steps.
1 Tip to Change Your Life
Change your thoughts
The thoughts, images and words you replay in your mind everyday are directly related to your happiness and achievements. What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve. Replace negative thoughts with a positive affirmation. Expect success.
3 Ways to Establish Your Life Vision
1. Start Dreaming and get going.
Create a snapshot of your ideal life with a bulleted list. A life plan will give you a clear direction and help you develop a strategy for getting there.
2. What are you good at?
List your skills and abilities you can build upon to attain your ideal life and then prioritize the development of those skills.
3. Keep your why in front of your eye.
Revisit your life plan frequently and keep it in plain view. Your life plan will remind you of what you want, what’s important and what to do next.
Monday, March 10, 2008
It's Not About Time
Most people admit they could use better time-management skills. But the issue of time management has not been addressed to universal satisfaction, because it really isn’t about managing
time. No one can manage time well enough to turn six minutes into five minutes. If it was just a matter of time, simply using a calendar and a watch would handle it. While a clock or calendar can give you a measure of control, it won’t provide the larger perspective needed for greater success—self management.
The savvy know self management is really an issue of what we do with ourselves during the time we have. Self-management needs to encompass managing our thoughts and emotions, and dealing effectively with our work, family and community relationships. It’s about gaining dynamic balance of control and perspective to achieve more successful outcomes and feel more relaxed along the way.
Self-management is about knowing what to do at any given moment. It’s dealing effectively with the things we have to do to achieve our goals and fulfi ll our purpose. It’s also about deciding the importance of the varied and constant information coming at us.
Dispense with the notion that time is harder to manage because there’s too much information. Many people are so chronically overwhelmed with new information they consider themselves roadkill along the information superhighway. Too much information is not the problem. If it were, we’d walk into a library and faint from the presence of so much data. We would run from the computer having gone just a few clicks into the results of a search, since each hyperlink leads to a seemingly infinite number of other Web pages. Information overload indicates we’re not managing our commitments effectively.
Self-management is about how we manage our commitments to achieve success at various horizons of focus in our lives. Horizons include life purpose, values, long and short-term goals, personal and professional areas of responsibility, projects and specific actions. As the CEO of your life, you’re in charge of the strategy and tactics needed to see your horizons clearly.
Self-management is about collecting, creating and deciding what (if anything) we want to do about each piece of information and organizing the results of that knowledge into a trusted system we can review appropriately. Upon review, we need to make intuitive strategic and tactical choices about our options.
A key aspect of self-management is how we handle all the things we’ve told ourselves we could or should do. People often keep several hundred hours of undone stuff in their minds (consciously or subconsciously) or in stacks on their desk or in the glove compartment of the car or their e-mail inbox. All of that unprocessed stuff may represent many projects and actions.
It’s hard to manage projects and actions unless they show up on your radar in a useful way. Projects need to be defined and reviewed as stakes in the ground to keep us moving toward their respective goal lines. The goal line for each project is the successful result. It could be as simple as “garden gate latch repaired,” or more complex like, “college degree earned.” The steps to move toward the goal line of success need to be defined by answering, “What’s the very next action that will move this project forward?” This is a method of executing elegantly and intuitively when the ball is snapped, instead of continually thinking about what to do next.
I ask people, “What’s the next action?” on big projects they’re procrastinating about. The answer often is, “Find time to….” You won’t ever have time to change your corporate culture,
write a book or lose weight until you define the very next action. If the next action is, “Pick a date and e-mail my assistant to set the senior team meeting about changing our culture,” you
can move forward on a major project in about two minutes. Getting Things Done is my work-life management system that will help you go from personal stress and being overwhelmed to an integrated system of focus and control. Getting Things Done is based on the common sense notion that a complete and current inventory of all your commitments—organized and reviewed in a systematic way—allows you to focus clearly, view your world from optimal angles and make trusted choices about what to do (and not do) at any moment.
The distinct practices include:
• Capture anything and everything that has your attention into a trusted system.
• Define actionable things into outcomes and concrete next steps.
• Organize reminders and information in the most streamlined way, in appropriate categories, based on how and when you need to access them.
• Keep current with frequent reviews of the six horizons of your commitments (purposes,values, goals, areas of responsibility, projects and actions).
This systematic approach to self management has become essential in an age when people have more access to information, producing a sense that there is too little time.
Since one key to your competitive advantage is your ability to deal with surprise, let’s look at how self-management differs from time management in that regard. If you are simply managing your time, you may have blocked out part of the morning to make calls. So far so good. But let’s say that a few minutes before you are going to start making your calls, you hear from one of your best clients. This client wants to introduce you to another client who has the potential to bring you even more business. All you need to do is put together a brief proposal to deliver
that afternoon.
At that point you can choose to stick with time management, holding to the schedule you previously set for yourself. Or you can choose to look from a higher perspective, realizing that this new opportunity is more aligned with your long-term goals. With a list of your calls at hand, you can quickly scan to determine that none of them has to be done
today. You can shift your priority to the new client opportunity, knowing that it is the most appropriate place for you to focus your time. Self-management goes beyond time management, in that it allows you to respond at your best to surprises.
Most people say they have far more to do than time and energy allow. This outcomes-and-actions approach will help you get things done that are most meaningful to you. That’s the best way to manage yourself and your valuable time.
time. No one can manage time well enough to turn six minutes into five minutes. If it was just a matter of time, simply using a calendar and a watch would handle it. While a clock or calendar can give you a measure of control, it won’t provide the larger perspective needed for greater success—self management.
The savvy know self management is really an issue of what we do with ourselves during the time we have. Self-management needs to encompass managing our thoughts and emotions, and dealing effectively with our work, family and community relationships. It’s about gaining dynamic balance of control and perspective to achieve more successful outcomes and feel more relaxed along the way.
Self-management is about knowing what to do at any given moment. It’s dealing effectively with the things we have to do to achieve our goals and fulfi ll our purpose. It’s also about deciding the importance of the varied and constant information coming at us.
Dispense with the notion that time is harder to manage because there’s too much information. Many people are so chronically overwhelmed with new information they consider themselves roadkill along the information superhighway. Too much information is not the problem. If it were, we’d walk into a library and faint from the presence of so much data. We would run from the computer having gone just a few clicks into the results of a search, since each hyperlink leads to a seemingly infinite number of other Web pages. Information overload indicates we’re not managing our commitments effectively.
Self-management is about how we manage our commitments to achieve success at various horizons of focus in our lives. Horizons include life purpose, values, long and short-term goals, personal and professional areas of responsibility, projects and specific actions. As the CEO of your life, you’re in charge of the strategy and tactics needed to see your horizons clearly.
Self-management is about collecting, creating and deciding what (if anything) we want to do about each piece of information and organizing the results of that knowledge into a trusted system we can review appropriately. Upon review, we need to make intuitive strategic and tactical choices about our options.
A key aspect of self-management is how we handle all the things we’ve told ourselves we could or should do. People often keep several hundred hours of undone stuff in their minds (consciously or subconsciously) or in stacks on their desk or in the glove compartment of the car or their e-mail inbox. All of that unprocessed stuff may represent many projects and actions.
It’s hard to manage projects and actions unless they show up on your radar in a useful way. Projects need to be defined and reviewed as stakes in the ground to keep us moving toward their respective goal lines. The goal line for each project is the successful result. It could be as simple as “garden gate latch repaired,” or more complex like, “college degree earned.” The steps to move toward the goal line of success need to be defined by answering, “What’s the very next action that will move this project forward?” This is a method of executing elegantly and intuitively when the ball is snapped, instead of continually thinking about what to do next.
I ask people, “What’s the next action?” on big projects they’re procrastinating about. The answer often is, “Find time to….” You won’t ever have time to change your corporate culture,
write a book or lose weight until you define the very next action. If the next action is, “Pick a date and e-mail my assistant to set the senior team meeting about changing our culture,” you
can move forward on a major project in about two minutes. Getting Things Done is my work-life management system that will help you go from personal stress and being overwhelmed to an integrated system of focus and control. Getting Things Done is based on the common sense notion that a complete and current inventory of all your commitments—organized and reviewed in a systematic way—allows you to focus clearly, view your world from optimal angles and make trusted choices about what to do (and not do) at any moment.
The distinct practices include:
• Capture anything and everything that has your attention into a trusted system.
• Define actionable things into outcomes and concrete next steps.
• Organize reminders and information in the most streamlined way, in appropriate categories, based on how and when you need to access them.
• Keep current with frequent reviews of the six horizons of your commitments (purposes,values, goals, areas of responsibility, projects and actions).
This systematic approach to self management has become essential in an age when people have more access to information, producing a sense that there is too little time.
Since one key to your competitive advantage is your ability to deal with surprise, let’s look at how self-management differs from time management in that regard. If you are simply managing your time, you may have blocked out part of the morning to make calls. So far so good. But let’s say that a few minutes before you are going to start making your calls, you hear from one of your best clients. This client wants to introduce you to another client who has the potential to bring you even more business. All you need to do is put together a brief proposal to deliver
that afternoon.
At that point you can choose to stick with time management, holding to the schedule you previously set for yourself. Or you can choose to look from a higher perspective, realizing that this new opportunity is more aligned with your long-term goals. With a list of your calls at hand, you can quickly scan to determine that none of them has to be done
today. You can shift your priority to the new client opportunity, knowing that it is the most appropriate place for you to focus your time. Self-management goes beyond time management, in that it allows you to respond at your best to surprises.
Most people say they have far more to do than time and energy allow. This outcomes-and-actions approach will help you get things done that are most meaningful to you. That’s the best way to manage yourself and your valuable time.
Four Seasons of Life
What will happen to you next month or next year? Whatever happens, you should follow certain overriding principles and predictable patterns.
As you enter this world, receive parental instruction, classroom instruction, and gain experience, you may set ambitious goals and dream lofty dreams. However, as the wheel of life turns, you are subject to human emotions and vicissitudes. You must learn to experience changing of lifecycles without being changed by them; to make a constant and conscious effort to improve yourself in the face of changing circumstances.
That is why I believe in the power and value of attitude. As I read about people, their deeds and their destiny, I become more convinced that it is our natural destiny to grow, succeed, prosper, and find happiness here and now in every season of life.
y your attitude, you decide to read, or not to read; try or give up; blame yourself for your failure or blame others; tell the truth or lie; act or procrastinate; advance or recede; and succeed or fail. The God-given gift of free choice enables you to select your own development and achievement—or your own destruction.
You are placed here on earth to develop yourself and enhance your environment. How fascinating that God would leave both projects—earth and people—unfinished! Across the rivers and streams, He built no bridges; He left the pictures unpainted, songs unsung, books unwritten, and space unexplored. To do those things, God created you and gave you the capacity to do some of these things. But it’s your choice. Attitude determines choice, and choice determines results. All that you are and all that you can become has been left to you. For as long as you live, you have the chance to work, and in the cycles and seasons of life, attitude is everything!
Life is like the changing seasons. You can't change the seasons, but you can change yourself.
Winter
The first lesson in life is to learn how to handle the winters. They come regularly. Some are long, some are short, some are difficult, some are easy, but they always come right after autumn. There are many kinds of winters: financial winters, social winters, emotional winters, and physical winters—the winter when you can’t figure things out, the winter when everything seems to go wrong, the winter of sickness or disappointment. So you must learn how to handle the winters—the difficulty that always comes after opportunity, the recession that comes after expansion. What can you do about winters? You can get stronger, wiser, and better. The winters won’t change, but you can.
Before I understood this truth, I used to wish it was summer when it was winter. When things were difficult, I used to wish they were easy. Now I don’t wish winter were shorter or easier, I wish to be wiser and better. I don’t wish to have fewer problems, I wish to gain more skills. I don’t wish for less challenge; I wish for more wisdom.
"Life is like the changing seasons. You can't change the seasons, but you can change yourself."
Spring
Fortunately, following winter comes a season of activity and opportunity called springtime. It is the season for entering the fertile fields of life with seed, knowledge, commitment, and a determined effort. The mere arrival of spring is no sign that things will look great in the fall. You must do something with the spring. Either plant in the spring or go begging in the fall. Take advantage of the opportunity that spring brings. Believe in the promise of spring: as you sow, so shall you also reap. Faith provides you with an irrevocable law: for every disciplined effort you make, you will receive a multiple reward. For each cup you plant, you reap a bushel; for every good you give to another, you shall receive many in return. For every act of faith, you receive many rewards; and for every act of love you show, you receive a life of love in return.
Remember that springtime presents itself ever so briefly. You can be lulled into inactivity by its bounteous beauty. Pause long enough to soak in the aroma of the blossoming flowers, but then get to work, lest you awaken to find springtime gone with your seed still in your sack. With the intelligence, wisdom, and freedom of choice, you can exercise the discipline to plant seeds—in spite of the rocks, weeds, or other obstacles. These won’t destroy all your seeds if you plant intelligently enough. So choose action, not rest. Choose truth, not fantasy; a smile, not a frown; love, not animosity. Choose to work when springtime smiles on your life and to enjoy the good in life in all things.
Spring shows us that life is truly a constant beginning, a constant opportunity. We need only to learn to look once again at life as we did as children, letting fascination and curiosity give us welcome cause to look for the miraculous hidden among the common. Get busy quickly on your springs, your opportunities. There are just a handful of springs that have been handed to each of us. Life is brief, even at its longest. Whatever you are going to do with your life, get at it. Don’t just let the seasons pass by.
Summer
In this season of life, learn how to nourish and protect your crops. As soon as you plant seeds, the busy bugs and noxious weeds are out to take things over. And they will take it, unless you prevent it. Know that all good will be attacked, and all values must be defended. Don’t ask why. Just know that it’s true. Let reality be your best beginning. Every garden will be invaded. Social values, political values, friendship values, and business values must be defended. Every garden must be tended all summer. If you don’t tend your garden, you’ll never have much of real value. But for those who make diligent efforts to plant, protect, and preserve, there are not enough birds, bugs, or other obstacles to destroy all the efforts of last spring.
Fall
Fall is the time to harvest the fruits of your springtime labor. You can learn how to reap in the fall without apology if you have done well and without complaint if you have not. Nothing is more exciting than bringing in a bounteous crop, and nothing more dreadful than facing a barren field in the fall. In all areas, what you put into this world, you get back from it. It is nature’s way of evening the score. So regardless of the results, take full responsibility for your crop. The highest form of maturity is accepting full responsibility for your life.
Life is constantly recycling itself, and part of your challenge is learning to change with the seasons and balance opposites: day/night, good/evil, life/death, water/land, summer/winter, recession/expansion, joy/sorrow. You face many challenges and changes, but you will continue to have one winter, spring, summer, and fall each year.
Success Each Season
Much of your success will lie in your attitude and ability to plant in the springtime of opportunity, to weed and cultivate in the testing time of summer, to harvest without apology or complaint in the season of fall, and to get stronger, wiser, better in the transition and learning times of winter. It is not what happens to you that determines your future—it is how you respond and what you do about it.
"I realized that the only way to live life and to lead life is actively and as active citizens
As you enter this world, receive parental instruction, classroom instruction, and gain experience, you may set ambitious goals and dream lofty dreams. However, as the wheel of life turns, you are subject to human emotions and vicissitudes. You must learn to experience changing of lifecycles without being changed by them; to make a constant and conscious effort to improve yourself in the face of changing circumstances.
That is why I believe in the power and value of attitude. As I read about people, their deeds and their destiny, I become more convinced that it is our natural destiny to grow, succeed, prosper, and find happiness here and now in every season of life.
y your attitude, you decide to read, or not to read; try or give up; blame yourself for your failure or blame others; tell the truth or lie; act or procrastinate; advance or recede; and succeed or fail. The God-given gift of free choice enables you to select your own development and achievement—or your own destruction.
You are placed here on earth to develop yourself and enhance your environment. How fascinating that God would leave both projects—earth and people—unfinished! Across the rivers and streams, He built no bridges; He left the pictures unpainted, songs unsung, books unwritten, and space unexplored. To do those things, God created you and gave you the capacity to do some of these things. But it’s your choice. Attitude determines choice, and choice determines results. All that you are and all that you can become has been left to you. For as long as you live, you have the chance to work, and in the cycles and seasons of life, attitude is everything!
Life is like the changing seasons. You can't change the seasons, but you can change yourself.
Winter
The first lesson in life is to learn how to handle the winters. They come regularly. Some are long, some are short, some are difficult, some are easy, but they always come right after autumn. There are many kinds of winters: financial winters, social winters, emotional winters, and physical winters—the winter when you can’t figure things out, the winter when everything seems to go wrong, the winter of sickness or disappointment. So you must learn how to handle the winters—the difficulty that always comes after opportunity, the recession that comes after expansion. What can you do about winters? You can get stronger, wiser, and better. The winters won’t change, but you can.
Before I understood this truth, I used to wish it was summer when it was winter. When things were difficult, I used to wish they were easy. Now I don’t wish winter were shorter or easier, I wish to be wiser and better. I don’t wish to have fewer problems, I wish to gain more skills. I don’t wish for less challenge; I wish for more wisdom.
"Life is like the changing seasons. You can't change the seasons, but you can change yourself."
Spring
Fortunately, following winter comes a season of activity and opportunity called springtime. It is the season for entering the fertile fields of life with seed, knowledge, commitment, and a determined effort. The mere arrival of spring is no sign that things will look great in the fall. You must do something with the spring. Either plant in the spring or go begging in the fall. Take advantage of the opportunity that spring brings. Believe in the promise of spring: as you sow, so shall you also reap. Faith provides you with an irrevocable law: for every disciplined effort you make, you will receive a multiple reward. For each cup you plant, you reap a bushel; for every good you give to another, you shall receive many in return. For every act of faith, you receive many rewards; and for every act of love you show, you receive a life of love in return.
Remember that springtime presents itself ever so briefly. You can be lulled into inactivity by its bounteous beauty. Pause long enough to soak in the aroma of the blossoming flowers, but then get to work, lest you awaken to find springtime gone with your seed still in your sack. With the intelligence, wisdom, and freedom of choice, you can exercise the discipline to plant seeds—in spite of the rocks, weeds, or other obstacles. These won’t destroy all your seeds if you plant intelligently enough. So choose action, not rest. Choose truth, not fantasy; a smile, not a frown; love, not animosity. Choose to work when springtime smiles on your life and to enjoy the good in life in all things.
Spring shows us that life is truly a constant beginning, a constant opportunity. We need only to learn to look once again at life as we did as children, letting fascination and curiosity give us welcome cause to look for the miraculous hidden among the common. Get busy quickly on your springs, your opportunities. There are just a handful of springs that have been handed to each of us. Life is brief, even at its longest. Whatever you are going to do with your life, get at it. Don’t just let the seasons pass by.
Summer
In this season of life, learn how to nourish and protect your crops. As soon as you plant seeds, the busy bugs and noxious weeds are out to take things over. And they will take it, unless you prevent it. Know that all good will be attacked, and all values must be defended. Don’t ask why. Just know that it’s true. Let reality be your best beginning. Every garden will be invaded. Social values, political values, friendship values, and business values must be defended. Every garden must be tended all summer. If you don’t tend your garden, you’ll never have much of real value. But for those who make diligent efforts to plant, protect, and preserve, there are not enough birds, bugs, or other obstacles to destroy all the efforts of last spring.
Fall
Fall is the time to harvest the fruits of your springtime labor. You can learn how to reap in the fall without apology if you have done well and without complaint if you have not. Nothing is more exciting than bringing in a bounteous crop, and nothing more dreadful than facing a barren field in the fall. In all areas, what you put into this world, you get back from it. It is nature’s way of evening the score. So regardless of the results, take full responsibility for your crop. The highest form of maturity is accepting full responsibility for your life.
Life is constantly recycling itself, and part of your challenge is learning to change with the seasons and balance opposites: day/night, good/evil, life/death, water/land, summer/winter, recession/expansion, joy/sorrow. You face many challenges and changes, but you will continue to have one winter, spring, summer, and fall each year.
Success Each Season
Much of your success will lie in your attitude and ability to plant in the springtime of opportunity, to weed and cultivate in the testing time of summer, to harvest without apology or complaint in the season of fall, and to get stronger, wiser, better in the transition and learning times of winter. It is not what happens to you that determines your future—it is how you respond and what you do about it.
"I realized that the only way to live life and to lead life is actively and as active citizens
Friday, March 7, 2008
7 Characteristics of Hope
Hope lights a candle instead of cursing the darkness.
Hope opens doors where despair closes them.
Hope looks for the good in people instead of harping on
the worst in them.
Hope discovers what can be done instead of grumbling
about what cannot be done.
Hope draws its power from a deep trust in God and the
basic goodness of mankind.
Hope regards problems, small or large, as chances to
discover new blessings.
Hope cherishes no illusions, nor does it yield to
cynicism.
"Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error,
change -- this is the rhythm of living. Out of our
overconfidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision,
fresh hope. And out of hope, progress."
"The pure, the bright, the beautiful
that stirred our hearts in youth,
The impulses to wordless prayer,
The streams of love and truth,
The longing after something lost,
The spirit's longing cry,
The striving after better hopes--
These things can never die."
Hope is much more than a positive attitude. Hope is
an essential attitude of expectancy filled with
potential. As Erik Erikson suggested in today's
quote, hope is an indispensable, life-sustaining
virtue.
Hope is a fundamental ingredient for accomplishment.
Henry Ward Beecher called hope "the greatest
architect". That's a great way to view hope--as an
architect of our tomorrows.
George Washington Carver wrote, "Where there is
no vision, there is no hope." Yet we must be willing to
give something in return. Benjamin Franklin cautioned
that a person who "lives on nothing but hope will die
fasting."
A farmer wouldn't plant the first seed if he or she did
not hope for a harvest. However, the farmer plans
extensively and works very hard all through the year.
Hope calls forth a thrilling vision that nurtures and
sustains action-building enthusiasm. It reminds us of
the reason for our dreams, guides our plans, and
supports the actions that turn our dreams into reality.
Think of all the time and resources you've invested in
your future. What is something you hope will happen for
you? Notice the image that your hope brings to mind.
Hold onto your hopes and treat them with special care.
Living hopes yield living dreams. When your faith is
strong, and your hands are ready, you will know that
your hopes helped to carry you every step of the way.
Wishing you blessings and success! :-)
Hope lights a candle instead of cursing the darkness.
Hope opens doors where despair closes them.
Hope looks for the good in people instead of harping on
the worst in them.
Hope discovers what can be done instead of grumbling
about what cannot be done.
Hope draws its power from a deep trust in God and the
basic goodness of mankind.
Hope regards problems, small or large, as chances to
discover new blessings.
Hope cherishes no illusions, nor does it yield to
cynicism.
"Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error,
change -- this is the rhythm of living. Out of our
overconfidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision,
fresh hope. And out of hope, progress."
"The pure, the bright, the beautiful
that stirred our hearts in youth,
The impulses to wordless prayer,
The streams of love and truth,
The longing after something lost,
The spirit's longing cry,
The striving after better hopes--
These things can never die."
Hope is much more than a positive attitude. Hope is
an essential attitude of expectancy filled with
potential. As Erik Erikson suggested in today's
quote, hope is an indispensable, life-sustaining
virtue.
Hope is a fundamental ingredient for accomplishment.
Henry Ward Beecher called hope "the greatest
architect". That's a great way to view hope--as an
architect of our tomorrows.
George Washington Carver wrote, "Where there is
no vision, there is no hope." Yet we must be willing to
give something in return. Benjamin Franklin cautioned
that a person who "lives on nothing but hope will die
fasting."
A farmer wouldn't plant the first seed if he or she did
not hope for a harvest. However, the farmer plans
extensively and works very hard all through the year.
Hope calls forth a thrilling vision that nurtures and
sustains action-building enthusiasm. It reminds us of
the reason for our dreams, guides our plans, and
supports the actions that turn our dreams into reality.
Think of all the time and resources you've invested in
your future. What is something you hope will happen for
you? Notice the image that your hope brings to mind.
Hold onto your hopes and treat them with special care.
Living hopes yield living dreams. When your faith is
strong, and your hands are ready, you will know that
your hopes helped to carry you every step of the way.
Wishing you blessings and success! :-)
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008
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